like a light with black wings

"wanna buy five copies for my mother..."

2010-09-04T12:19:00.000-07:00

Look ma! I'm in Rolling Stone! ...kinda. :)

After a random call from my friend Phil, B&N ended up using a quote from me re: the first time I heard Joni Mitchell in the latest issue of Rolling Stone (the one with the Mad Men cast on the cover! yessss). Phil asked me for the quote as I was in the boarding line of a plane bound for Milwaukee and needed it by the time I landed. So, this was my quote:

"As a child, I had never heard anything like (nor did I quite know what to do with) Joni Mitchell's wild contra-alto vibrato. I like to think Joni would've preferred it that way; I had to work for it. And now I can't imagine life without such a remarkable soundtrack. I can't imagine falling in love without "A Case of You" on repeat, or staring out a window thinking back on my life without the distant sound of "Both Sides Now" playing low & wild in the next room."

I guess they decided my middle name was more marketable and the quote needed some work, so they printed this:

Either way, it's was a pretty random and fun happening. I do so love Jones. And....I just realized... am I subconsciously trying to cut my hair like her??

only living boy in new york

2008-11-24T21:41:00.000-08:00

Driving over the George Washington bridge in New York this morning on our way out of town; it’s raining steadily, but the leaves are bright through the sheets of water. It’s autumn in New York.

The show last night at the Mercury Lounge was a good one. Natalie came out with a friend and it’s always great to see her…I always wish I could spend more time. Ben Soliee played right before us and I really enjoyed his set. Just him and his cello. Great voice. Great playing. AND he’s from Kentucky. ☺

Looking at the calendar, we’ve basically been on the road with little reprieve since September. It looks like we’ll get home a few days before Thanksgiving and I’m really looking forward to going home to Kentucky; seeing my dog, the parents. Even though it’s not my house in Nashville (and thus still requires me being “away”) I’m looking forward to it as if it were.

more updates soon.

of all the nations

2008-09-30T07:32:00.000-07:00

Well, we're in Washington, D.C. We got in last night, driving from our show in Knoxville, so we actually got a few hours to walk around the capitol today and see some sights. I've always wanted to do that on the road, but we never seem to have time. I'm trying to get better about making smaller, more digestible video blogs. I'm determined to get some up before week's end.

We're crashing with my friend Beth Chapman here in D.C. It's always great to see Beth and she's exceedingly gracious about letting us crash with such late notice. With the election so close and politics palpably in the air, it's kind of crazy to be here. We even walked by Capitol Hill and they already had the yard blocked off for the presidential inauguration. We get so caught up in the RACE of the presidency, that it's difficult to spend much time thinking about the actual day-to-day nature of having the candidate in office. Might be a healthy mental exercise. :)

Emily Saliers and Amy Ray posted a new video of "Finlandia" that it brought it back to my memory. It seemed achingly timely. I SO long for a time and a nation who would tout this as their anthem:

this is my song
oh god of all the nations
a song of peace
for lands afar and mine

this is my home
the country where my heart is
here are my hopes
my dreams my holy shrine

but other hearts
in other lands are beating
with hopes and dreams
as true and high as mine

my countries skies
are bluer than the ocean
and sunlight beams
on clover leaf and pine

but other lands
have sunlight too and clover
and skies are everywhere
as blue as mine

oh hear my song
oh god of all the nations
a song of peace
for their land and for mine

better from above

2008-08-13T22:32:00.000-07:00

just home from playing french horn for Brooke Waggoner's cd release show at the Belcourt. It was a fun show with a lot of fun production and Brooke was stellar as always. Save a few flubs on my part and fairly dreadful sound engineering, it was a great night. Lots of good friends, new and old.

By no fault of any current circumstances, I'm thinking a lot tonight about being away; away from home, from friends and family. Often a huge part of playing music for a living means being gone a lot. There's something about moving from town to town like that that seems at times lovely, but often quite (albeit poetically) melancholy. If it's a town that's dreadful, boring or just a bust in general...no great failure. lesson learned; avoid Leiben, Arkansas next time. But, if it's a town you immediately fall in love with, your bags still get packed and you're still leaving. For some reason (probably because i've been home for almost a month) I'm ready to have a solid run of shows again; ready to be gone. Not because i don't love being here...i do. and i actually LOVE having a routine at home that i can never quite get into on the road. I don't know. I suppose it's the greener grass...but that's not quite the full picture either.

If you're lucky enough to find a place that feels like home, you've got to leave to keep it. Which especially makes this time in life an interesting one. There's a part of me that's always invested in people, but (to awkwardly quote myself), "kept my suitcase small". I'm suppose if i was married or just more settled in general, i'd feel differently about leaving. More to leave behind i suppose. Though, i can't imagine any 180s on the subject. who knows?

I heard two people talking tonight about returning from the road recently and it just made me wonder...Is it easier to be the one leaving home or to be the one left at home? I tend to get in my own world on the road and. Contrary to what we often feel like, we return home only to find life has continued in our absence and people have ceased keeping up with your comings and goings.

I think there's probably something in us that's attracted to that loneliness...or solidarity. Whatever you call it, I think David put it well in "Astronaut" when he sang, "couldn't tell you for sure the view is better from above i'm not the first of the astronauts to leave the place i love " I've always loved that song. NPR It's a painful roundabout admission that, while the places we leave exert a gravitational pull, they can never miss us the way we miss them."

for now, i'll just stick to being home...and maybe...just maybe..."spend a lot of time finding out just where that is".

these dreams go on when i close my eyes

2008-07-11T05:55:00.000-07:00

woke up this morning around 4:30am stressed out over a dream. In the dream, Matthew Jones, Katie and a few other people and I were in this play. It was almost felt a bit medieval in the time period of the play....at least the costumes looked as such, but could have just as easily been 17th century garb. In the first part of the dream, we were at the dress rehearsal for the play. I'm not in the first part of the play, and it is not until I am backstage during this part that I realize I haven't even looked at the script and no none of my lines. I read from the script and no one really mentions anything about it.

This may have given my dream "me" false confidence b/c....fast forward to the next night (opening night) and i suddenly realize i know no more of my lines than i did the day before. AND i'm walking around backstage making small talk as the first act is starting. A woman I knew as I child in Kentucky is apparently the stage manager in this dream and she grabs me and inquires as to why the hell i haven't been to makeup and wardrobe yet. I don't have an answer. How the hell am i going to get through this? I know NONE of my lines and it's an entire play that has just started. I start frantically memorizing my first line as a woman layers stage makeup on my face. By the time I've nearly got the first line, I realize this is not going to work. Even if i get the first line, there's still a whole freakin play i DON'T know. I start thinking of escape options....throw up (this might happen whether i plan it or not), migraine (they'll never believe it...besides...not dramatic enough to merit my absence, probably)... gosh. i better think of something...and how!

it's about this time that i wake up, look at the clock and realize it's 4:30am. ugh. I try and go back to sleep and eventually do, but spend the rest of my next dream trying to explain the dream to a cafeteria table full of the people who were in the first style. (not unlike Dorothy's "you were there...and you" speech. Only in this 2nd dream, I recover a document that can help me explain the dream. I can actually picture it right now, but it's difficult to explain as some of the "letters" look like xeroxes of a cartoon keyboard square. so weird.

so, here i am... up at 7am. maybe i can get some work done before we head to Pickwick this weekend. Annie, Raina and Brandi flew in from Colorado yesterday for the very long weekend. I'm so glad they're here. we went to las paletas last night. i got lime and loved it, but as one who loves trying many flavors to determine my favsies, it was exponentially enjoyable as everyone got different flavors. highlights: pistachio, coconut, strawberries w/ choco chips. mmm. see? does that look delicious? As we were leaving, the owner was pulling up with fresh produce (i saw a lot of peaches) from the farmer's market to use for tomorrow's popsicles. doesn't get much fresher or awespome-r than that.

(L to R from bottom): me: lime, Brandi: pistachio, Raina: plum, Annie: Strawberries & Chocolate Chips, Katie: Grapefruit, Natalie: Coconut) mmmm

aight. off to give scout a bath and clean the house a bit before i start the work train. happy friday.

what they say i am, in brief.

2008-07-08T08:52:00.000-07:00

INFJ - "Author". Strong drive and enjoyment to help others. Complex personality. 1.5% of total population.

and I'm a type 2 on the Enneagram. http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/TypeTwo.asp

Should I be concerned that Enneagram 2s aren't supposed to be introverts? http://www.geocities.com/lifexplore/typecorr.htm

Introverted (I) 56.76% Extroverted (E) 43.24%
Intuitive (N) 55.56% Sensing (S) 44.44%
Feeling (F) 67.65% Thinking (T) 32.35%
Judging (J) 53.13% Perceiving (P) 46.88%

happy rhodes day

2008-07-04T22:26:00.001-07:00

there is a light that will sometimes go out

2008-06-26T20:00:00.000-07:00

...and tonight i have found many of them. You see, I'm hosting my friend Allan's birthday party in my backyard on Saturday. We've spent the last week painting, scraping, power washing, rearranging,building, fixing and generally working on the house. It's been pretty exhausting, i'll admit. Now that the parental units have gone, i'm working by myself and getting a bit overwhelmed. I'm trying to stay positive, so i'm giving myself as many small, focused projects as possible. Today, as soon as we got home from Louisville, I got a little work done on the compy, then got to work.

I installed a clothes rack in the attic to house some more clothes temporarily. It was absurdly hot and a desk fell on me, but I finished and took about 4 loads of clothes up there to store. I ended up biting the bullet and weedeating despite the crazy heat. After that was finished, i decided to finish burying the wires for the outdoor lighting by digging little trenches for the wires to rest in, then covering them with dirt. It was a little fun getting to use the axe and the pick axe with the shovel, but after a while, the wonder fades and it's just hard work.

Wanting to light the back corner of the yard with Christmas lights, I scurried up to the attic and brought down 2 large rubbermaid tubs of lights....only lights. I would like to report that after untangling and testing each strand, i have found 4 strands of white lights that work. seriously? 2 tubs and only four strands work??!? it boggles the damn mind, i tell ya.

luuuuulvllll

2008-06-25T21:57:00.000-07:00

this is the correct pronunciation of louisville. i'm just sayin.

greetings from a strongly scented Ramada Inn. Claire and I are currently watching an episode of Sex & The City...the same episode, coincidentally, that Katie is watching in the conjoining room next door.

It was a hot one in the Bluegrass state today. We started the show around 6pm and were followed by an 8 piece irish band..um... i can't remember their name...oh. The Elders. Claire used to Irish dance and gave us a couple of glimpses into the glory that once was her dancing past. it was a blessing. we got some amazing video footage i'll have to put up here at some point including all of us hula hooping.

As we were hanging out in the crowd after our set, we ended up sitting by the playground area with a ton of very cute little kids. We had an idea to go up to each of them (ranging in ages from 6 months or so to 6 years) and have katie ask them what they thought of her show and make a video blog of it. I think it would have been hilarious, but we thought the parents might get a little weirded out. perhaps so. we did get one family of 10 (only 5 were there) to sit down and talk to us. one small step.

there was a gorgeous sunset over the water. here, katie chooses to enjoy it by working on her computer.

back home now and there is much to do before Allan's bday party on Saturday. I need to get motivated to do the little stuff...it's just so not the fun part. projects, i love...this....not so much. off to get motivated.

shalom.

oh. here's a little gem from the WFPK studio where we found a computer that i felt i could really empathize with.

You can't afford the freeway

2008-06-25T07:57:00.000-07:00

In Louisville, KY to play WFPK's Waterfront Wednesday with Katie. We got in last night and stayed with Pam & Mike Helton (friends of my family's for too many years to count). They're so generous and it was great to be able to spend some time with them. They cooked a delicious meal and i broke down and finally ate red meat (first time in.....maybe 6 months?)

I got up around 7:30am. I just can't seem to shake the waking early thing lately. Finally went back to sleep and woke up again around 9:15 and guessed that was enough trying to sleep. Of course it's 11 and no one's up yet.

I started reading Godric by Frederick Buechner this morning. I had been wanting to get into Buechner as a lot of literarily credible friends :) have been singing his praises for years. Jason Killingsworth let me borrow his gorgeous hardback of Godric the last time i visited him in Atlanta and I've been so wanting to dive in. Having just read two modern non-fictions (a rarity for me), Godric is making me work. It's kind of nice. I've definitely had to re-read a few passages. it's pretty dense language, but i love it.

Watched a few videos of Aimee Mann & her band this morning. It's interesting how Paul Bryan's voice is such an integral part of her sound now. There's some great footage of her talking about getting signed to a major and the mythology about what that means....how maintaining the shoulder padded 80s look is difficult to do when you're dirt poor and living on $150/week on the road. Don't i know it. the hairspray alone gets me every week.

half and half

2008-06-16T08:05:00.000-07:00

My internal clock has been waking me up pretty consistently lately at 8:15. That's kind of wild if you think about your body waking up on it's own at the same time every day...no alarm.... no matter when you go to sleep. 8:15 every day. kind of mysterious to me.

Dropped by Katie's this weekend, and set out on an unexpected mission around town to upgrade her whole home studio. Saw Patty Griffin at the Mac store buying an iphone case. Good times.

In unrelated news, I'm 9077 days old.

This weekend perpetuated the luke-warm phase i've been in for over a week. I feel like i haven't been able to get motivated to work OR play in an unadulterated way lately. I can't just focus and work without ceasing or rest without thinking of to-do lists. The result is this weird half-life version of both. It's kind of dreadful and makes for a pretty compromised version of both. I've had quite a few deadlines fall around the same time which has lengthened the to-do list a bit. Maybe i just need to get over that deadline hump... Hopefully that will end soon.

so flossy flossy

2008-06-07T20:33:00.000-07:00

To Butterfly's for rehearsal. Some of the chords were so ridiculous, i had to take pictures on the iphone so i'd remember them. ok, so it's a little lazy, but... come on... so convenient. I think the show with Dawson and Butter will be fun. I just have NO idea what to expect. We decided to head to La Hacienda after rehearsal. Why is Mexican food and a cold Dos Equis such an amazing combination? It's like they chemically engineer the flavors to be exponentially more delicious together. Only THEN do their secret powers activate. Called Katie to meet us. We all decided to go to the Sex & The City movie (of course). It exceed my expectiations, actually.

crab legs and drinking to the dregs

2008-06-07T20:01:00.000-07:00

derek's birthday.

we ended up going to south street. The Cooleys, Allan, Derek, Sandra and I celebrated Derek's birth with seafood and laughs. not a bad way to spend an evening. I got there early and ended up sitting on a bench outside and finished listening to "Eat. Pray. Love." I'm always sad when books end...well...good books. I had to work extra hard on my Catfish to get all the bones out...it was secretly a little fun. It's so fun to have Allan in town. Back to the Webb plantation where Sandra and her neighbor Kari had made homeade butterscotch pie. and by homemade, i mean seriously homemade. made the crust...everything. sooo yummy...and impressive. Played tennis on dw's new Wii. Cason was really getting into it....endlessly entertaining.

As I was working in the yard today, i was thinking about people i know who are amazing cooks like that who seem to have that gift of tending for and creating things things around the house with such great care. It's amazing to watch. Or those friends who are master gardeners... I'm so not that person. I love those things, but they are not a part of my daily life like i see in these people; they're like little holidays that i enjoy when they come my way.

I wonder if that's an age thing. Is that what I'll do when I retire? ... Suddenly have this gift for rose gardens, cooking and housekeeping? I just don't know. Maybe it's not in my gift bag. :) Wait a second. retire? what am i talking about? i can't imagine me having something to retire from. who knows.

return to things

2008-05-26T13:44:00.000-07:00

lately i feel like i've returned to a lot of things that at one time brought be great pleasure (possible side effects also include clarity, energy, sanity, more apt assessment of the world around you, stillness, purpose and sometimes... buckets of happy).

After more or less two months on the road with little to no time in one given place, my head got a little....how you say...out of alignment? I've been on the road for longer periods of time, but this is was a unique version of this experience.

By no accident, i'm sure, i am the sole inhabiter of my house right now. (Something I love and hope to make a habit someday). One roommate moved out, one gone for the summer and one on vacation, it's just me and Scout. I can't help but think of the old adage that you cannot see your face in running water; only still water. I feel as if i may have unknowingly been the poster-child for such wisdom lately.

I love being alone and love the quiet, but love (perhaps as intensely) people and things. These are often at odds, but most certainly need each other....as i need them.... both greatly. One without the other, and things are not as they should be.

I'm not setting out to articulate everything that's happening right now, because that's what generally makes blogging feel daunting to me, but rather sharing how grateful i am for simple things right now. simple pleasures. simple work that brings pleasure.

I also have a confession. I (like many cynics my age) resist things that are "the new cool thing". I'm sure somehow i secretly think this makes me cooler....it does not. I have a magnet on my refrigerator that says, "Who cares what Oprah reads?" with an astute looking lamb reading a book with a monocle. I think you get the picture. I recently downloaded "Eat. Pray. Love." for my mom because...you guessed it...her book club was reading it. As with these cool new books, (and Oprah's endorsement), I know about a million people who are reading it. I'm not sure what broke through my jedi force field between me and this book, but yesterday morning, I awoke early, prayed for energy and a revitalized spirit (more or less), and headed to the Y. After a surprisingly great workout, I was energized and ready to face the day. (*this does not always happen) I got home and realized it was barely 9:30am. I used to LOVE getting up early and getting things done. There's that great feeling of looking at the clock at 9:30 and realizing you've already checked five things off your list and half the people you know aren't even up yet. I think i just always feel so behind, that I feel like i'm actually evening the playing field for a moment.

I stopped in Whole Foods for a Strawberry Kombucha, some mahi mahi, some asparagus, and some of these amazing crackers I've been stealing from Katie for weeks. Very content (and excited about being home alone), I took full advantage of my AirTunes and decided to listen to "Eat. Pray. Love." while i was cooking....very loudly...on every speaker in the house...because i can.

I decided to experiment a little with lunch (which having no concept of time... i thought was dinner) and ended up with lime & ginger Mahi-Mahi and orange-zested asparagus. It was kind of amazing. It began raining, so I opened the door to my patio, turned up the book, sat outside just under the awning, and ate. I ate in that savory sort of way where you're being fed in a few different ways at once and you know it.

I sat down to work and decided to close my email program, turn off iChat, and just listen as i worked. I worked undaunted and inspired for 5 or 6 hours before even looking up. I finished the designs, emailed them off and then knew it was time for a bike ride. I used to LOVE riding. I mean, i still do love all of these things, of course, i've just forgotten what they feel like. I threw the bike in the car, mourned the demise of my old bike rack for a minute, then headed to Shelby Bottoms. The rain had cooled everything off, and it was a pretty perfect ride. It was memorial day at 6:30pm and had just stormed, so there was almost no one in sight. It felt a bit like a Nike commercial. I decided to push myself on the front end and fight urges to turn back, as i knew it would get dark and there's nothing like chasing darkness when you're riding in the woods. It's always been a good motivator. All in all, i ended up riding about 8 miles and being exceedingly delighted about the day.

Here's to the return of things.

"The other problem with all this swinging through the vines of thought is that you're never where you are. You are always digging at the past or poking at the future, but rarely do you rest in this moment." - (from "Eat. Pray. Love")

speaking in bubbles

2008-05-22T10:31:00.000-07:00

Thought this was interesting...

Video called "Speaking in Bubbles" about Ji Lee, a street artist in NY who founded Bubble Project. He tags stickers shaped like speech bubbles and places them over public advertisements, and he invites passersby to fill in the blanks with their own thoughts. After working in advertising for 4 years, Ji Lee shares his thoughts and unique approach to public spaces and street art. When describing his work, he states, [I don't like the term illegal; I prefer the term unauthorized.]"

Watch the video HERE.

Wiki-rado

2008-04-17T18:40:00.000-07:00

Wikipedia just told me Colorado's state motto is "Nil sine Numine" - Nothing Without Providence. hmm. who knew?

Well, I just got back from a two week-ish run with Katie in her home state of Colorado. It was my first time to "The Centennial State" as Katie pointed out to the crowds each night. I must say, i had very high expectations as it was tied for the #1 position on "Things Jordan still wants to see in the U.S. but hasn't yet." and Colorado did not disappoint.

Coloradans (yes that's the official term for its residents) were just plain lovely and also very concerned/curious about my reaction to the altitude. (it was fine...until i went biking). Overall, i must say this may have been my favorite tour thus far. The shows were great..well attended, the company hard to beat and the music is absurdly great...such a blast to play.

We had Claire on cello, Katie played acoustic, sang and rocked the porchboard we are forever borrowing from PBA and I played the wildcat electric, accordion and ukulele.

I was watching The Colbert Report today as I was editing some photos and saw the Roots playing the theme song. a) they're a trio and sounded rockin'...and that's pretty awesome. b) Captain Kirk Douglas (guitarist for The Roots) was playing my guitar!! Same model, same finish. i feel 8 rock points cooler.

Oh. and here's episode 1 of our little video blog... enjoy. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-DWG0eBc_E

-jbh

how long

2008-03-11T20:23:00.000-07:00

Wow. I haven't written anything on the old blog in a while. Never too late, i guess......

Well, i'm finally home after a run of shows with Katie Herzig in the Northeast. It was our first run with this arrangement, and turned out to be copious amounts of fun. Without the band, we were pulling double / triple duty with Katie on acoustic, porchboard, vox and me on electic, accordion, ukelele and vox....most definately maxing out our alloted carry ons and checked baggage on the plane. By the second show we really started getting into the groove of this new set up and i'll have to say, i'm kind of digging it.

DAY 1 - NYC

We flew into New York on Wednesday, staying with Katie's sister Jenny and her roomate Kristen (who both happened to be opera singers). For some reason, around midnight, we decided to utilize their talents in one of the songs (much to the shigrin of their neighbors, i'm sure). Here's what happened....

..yeah. pretty amazing. still makes me giggle.

Went to a cute little restaraunt in Inwood called "Guadalupe" (Mexican gourmet) with Katie, Jenny and Paul. Had some delicious Quesadilla de Seta y Queso which did not dissapoint

Woke up early the next morning and drove to do a radio interview / performance and WFUV. Everyone there was exceedingly kind and made the early morning an enjoyable one. The host was
Claudia Marshall and was a hoot. We had a great time and the sound engineer, Joe, ended up coming to the show with a friend later that night...which is always super fun.

The show Thursday night was at The Living Room and we had a great crowd and met some really awesome people. Being our first go at it, we were a little shakey musically, but the crowd was so warm and receptive, it made us feel ok about the bumps along the way.

to be continued

Kiss with busted lips

2007-08-06T13:39:00.000-07:00

I wonder if anyone has ever tried to FTP someone's house on halloween instead of the traditional TP. seems like it would be a cleaner way to stick it to "Old Man Johnston". just a thought.

Yesterday was a busy day and I definately feel like I didn't get my sabbath rest. hopefully I'll get one in tomorrow. Got the mix for Judd & Maggie's new record and I"m really liking it. It's such a fun record. I'm glad to see people making music like this...It doesn't seem to be happening as much as it should these days.

We uploaded Cheyenne's album art today. We finished it just 4 days after he came to me with the project. I still can' believe we finished it on time. Here are a few images of the cover and exteriior panel.

It's an overly-busy week. Trying to hang on. Too crazy to make birthday plans yet, but i'll keep you posted.

Love Is A Mixtape

2007-07-16T11:02:00.000-07:00

Well, I just recently finished a book by Rob Sheffield called, "Love is A Mixtape: Life and Loss One Song at a Time". I read it so quickly that I didn't even have time to switch the "currently reading" badge on here. My friend Bob had read it a month or so ago and it sounded great. In the mood for something different, I checked it out from the library and totally loved it. Here's a little blurb about it...

A celebratory eulogy for life in "the decade of Nirvana," rock critic Sheffield's captivating memoir uses 22 "mix tapes" to describe his being "tangled up" in the "noisy, juicy, sparkly life" of his wife, Renee, from the time they met in 1989 to her sudden death from a pulmonary embolism in 1997. Each chapter begins with song titles from the couple's myriad mixes—"Tapes for making out, tapes for dancing, tapes for falling asleep"—and uses them to describe a beautiful love story: "a real cool hell-raising Appalachian punk-rock girl" meeting in graduate school a "hermit wolfboy, scared of life, hiding in my room with my records," and how they built a tender relationship on the music they loved, from the Meat Puppets to Hank Williams. Their bond as soul mates makes his reaction to her death deeply moving: "I had no voice to talk with because she was my whole language." But Sheffield's wonderful, often hilarious and lovingly detailed stories about their early romance and their later domestic life show how they created their own personal "mix tape" of life in the same way a music mix tape "steals moments from all over the musical cosmos and splices them into a whole new groove."

It was my first memoir, so we're setting the bar pretty high here. I went to the library again yesterday to find a replacement, but just ended up getting some cookbooks, a few design books and picking up the "Bass Basics" kit on reserve. :) I couldn't really tell what I was in the mood for next, so, I picked up C.S. Lewis' "That Hideous Strength" and requested "Perfect From Now On". We'll see what sticks.

Left CCEN a bit early last night to make it to Jason Feller's CD Release party. It was a good show and good to see him doing his thing. I'm glad people are going to hear that record. After the show, stopped by Eric's new house and had a little late dinner. Ryan, Dawn, Eric, and Lele were all there for the dance party when we discovered that the lights were on a touch-sensitive switch. And Scott was there after just returning from Moldova, so we celebrated by commandeering Eric's keyboard and drum kit for some much overdue rocking.

Off to the post, the Y and hopefully the grocery to get some things to try out the new cookbooks!

done.

2007-07-09T08:38:00.000-07:00

Went to church last night. Played guitar and got to finally try out Butterfly's Gretsch Jr. I've had for a while. It's just so gorgeous.

Many times after church I get this feeling like it's time to hang out. Go eat with someone, watch a movie, order a pizza...generally anything involving people. Last night, I got to the end of my mental list of people to call to hang out and realized tonight may have to derrivate from the normal Sunday evening. Then, I remembered my book patiently awaiting my return home. So, I grabbed a snack from the pantry, got into my pjs, grabbed my book and hopped in bed.... at 9:00pm. It was amazing. I saw the light at the end of the reading tunnel. I saw I only had about 60 pages left in "The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter" and I decided to finish it. around 11:00pm, it finally happened. Man, I LOVE that feeling. The feeling was amplified a bit b/c a) it was a lengthy book and b) it had been on my "to read" list for many moons, i just hadn't gotten around to it. So exciting. Now, comes the always dangerous choice of the next book. It's like a relationship...choose poorly and you might be stuck there for a little while. choose wisely, and oh the adventures you have in store, young reader. ...i just chuckled out loud a bit just then. Ok. off to look for a job....and a book.

3 is the magic number

2007-07-09T08:17:00.001-07:00

Charles Thomas Rhodes Webb.... (calling him Rhodes)
Stats: Born July 4, 2007 2:26am
8 1/2 lb
19 1/2 in
Generally considered by the rampant "baby posses" to be "the coolest"

going back to nashville, thinking 'bout the whole thing...

2007-06-12T07:43:00.000-07:00

Well, we had our final show of the tour last night and I took Steve to the airport this morning before I....ahem...went into the office. So, our chapter together has officially come to an end. It was such a fun run of shows and I'll really miss how those songs came together with that arrangement of sounds. My favorite things about being home thus far is

a) my hamper. (not the actual hamper so much as the fact that i can put dirty clothes in a hamper and not repack them in a strategic way every day.)

b) friends.

to be continued

Greetings from..um... i'm not sure where (VOL. 1)

2007-05-31T20:40:00.000-07:00

Well, this really is one of our only long drives on this tour, so I thought I’d use part of it to write a ridiculously long blog with too much information about what we’ve been up to on the road. ...ok. maybe i'll break it up into two posts

We’re on the home stretch of the tour and I’ve been so busy with the video bloggery that this space has been a bit neglected. Sowy.

It’s been a good tour. Much to be done, but high fun as well. It’s such a funny combination of people that it works brilliantly. It’s like when see an ice cream flavor with chiles in it. Sounds crazy, but it’s delicious. (said in jim gaffigan voice). It didn’t take us too long to hit our stride and it’s been such a fun time. I’m trying to think back of all that’s happened and it’s kind of overwhelming. We’d had some time in every city, so it’ been crazy… feeling like we’ve actually had all these experiences then a few hours later you’re in a completely different town with a completely different feel. Sounds pretty typical I guess, it just feels more potent this go-round. Here’s a fun little run down of the highlights:

5/17 - Birmingham, AL: we shared the bill with Emily DeLoach and MPJ. The Bottletree was a cool venue with great food and a super cool airstream for artists to hang out in (see video blog episode #2) ☺, but they took an absurd amount out of the door. Oh well. It was great to be in bham. We stayed with Jessica & Jeff Heine and it was so great to spend a little time with them. Also got to see emily’s fam which is always fun. I have such great memories of that town and have been lucky enough that I seem to only be having more great memories there. We wrapped up our visit with a trip to the Botanical Gardens then hit the road with a stop in Atlanta. (my first visit to anthropologie. Finally used my gift card the Normans were kind enough to give me for playing in their wedding a year ago and got sweet new burnt orange pants and a cool sailory looking blue jacket)

5/18,19 – Greenville, SC - got to meet a lot of the guys at Portland and hang out with Brannon. Picked up the etchings they did for Steve and they look very cool. Had a pint at an irish bar before the show and Kevin’s Costner’s band was playing next door. We tried to go see them, but had just missed their set. Ours was a kind of a crazy show in the beginning, but it was a fun night.

5/20 – Charlotte, NC – We mad a pit stop in King’s Mountain, NC and did a bit of hiking. They had just burned a lot of the brush and forrest part so it too closely resembled Middle Earth, but they had one of those great “movies” that state parks have on the battle of…so and so at yada yada Hill in which Steve and Judd fell asleep after we had a good laugh at a few of the “historians’” expenses. we made good time and got to Charlotte with a little time to kill. George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelik were playing directly across the street from us and we got to see him and his band a bit as they were hanging out before the show. We all love the Evening Muse and Joe (the owner) was great as always.

5/21 – we did an on-air at WWWW. I had actually done on on-air years ago with Emily there and as soon as I walked in the woman said, “you were here before with another band, right?” I was impressed. some people have amazing memories. It was a great on-air, and they were just as kind as I remember.

5/22 – Charlottesville, VA – super cool looking venue with books lining the walls, but a really small crowd. It’s not a good sign when you get to a venue and they say, “yeah. We’re probably going to go under. No one in this town comes to shows.” It was a fun night anyway and we really got to interact with the people at the show who were so kind and responsive. People asked questions and were so appreciative.

5/23 – Red Bank, NJ – (BobFest) – BobFest is an annual show that Pat Guadagno puts on every year in Red Bank on Bob’s birthday in a really great theater. Steve was asked to play again this year and it was so fun to watch. I mean, I’ll watch a good band play Bob Dylan songs for 3 hours any day of the week. Judd & Maggie’s friend Brother Andrew drove up and it was great to meet him. Steve and I went out after the show to grab a drink with all the guys from the show and they were a hoot. There’s definitely a jersey feel to them all and they were a blast to party with. We stayed with Steve’s dad, Nick, in Ocean and he was a riot. Imagine “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. Yeah.. So great. ☺ We woke up the next day and drove just a few minutes to Long Branch and walked along the ocean, had some delicious Greek food and some gelato to top it off before we headed out.

.... to be continued

video killed the blogio star.

2007-05-26T06:38:00.000-07:00

greetings from lovely NYC. I'm currently looking out the window of a new friend's AMAZING Brownstone in Brooklyn. Seriously. This place is ubelievable.

Well, the tour has been good thus far. Some stress, but a great deal of fun. The combination of people is crazy, but seems to work perfectly. I"ll be updating more tomorrow in greater detail, but to get you started, here are the first of the video blogs we made on the road (it's really just one broken up into 3 parts). enjoy. warning: we're weird. (you can also search "Delopoulos" or "Judd & Maggie" if these videos give you grief.

i've been duped.

2007-05-05T12:58:00.000-07:00

two nights ago, i made a late night trip to Kroger for some essentials: Dog food, organic milk and some TP. Now, in terms of my toilet paper, i don't have a strong allegiance, and typically get what's on sale. I saw that Quilted Northern was on sale this day. My mind hearkened back to their commercials depicting charming cartoon grandmother-types quilting each square by hand. This sounded delightful to me in the Kroger isle at 1am. So, I fell for it. I got the Quilted Northern home only to find it was neither soft, nor charming. Let me tell you, friends...nothing about it felt quilted...unless people quilt burlap sacks to make toilet paper. Don't be fooled, kids. And, Quilted Northern, I'm on to your Tom Foolery.

On the Mindless Menace of Violence

2007-04-28T12:41:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching "Bobby". At the conclusion of the film, after Senetor Kennedy is shot, they play his entire speech, "On the Mindless Menace of Violence". It really makes me long for leaders, followers, and people everywhere to have greater visions like this again.

This is a time of shame and sorrow. It is not a day for politics. I have saved this one opportunity, my only event of today, to speak briefly to you about the mindless menace of violence in America which again stains our land and every one of our lives.

It is not the concern of any one race. The victims of the violence are black and white, rich and poor, young and old, famous and unknown. They are, most important of all, human beings whom other human beings loved and needed. No one - no matter where he lives or what he does - can be certain who will suffer from some senseless act of bloodshed. And yet it goes on and on and on in this country of ours.

Why? What has violence ever accomplished? What has it ever created? No martyr's cause has ever been stilled by an assassin's bullet.

No wrongs have ever been righted by riots and civil disorders. A sniper is only a coward, not a hero; and an uncontrolled, uncontrollable mob is only the voice of madness, not the voice of reason.

Whenever any American's life is taken by another American unnecessarily - whether it is done in the name of the law or in the defiance of the law, by one man or a gang, in cold blood or in passion, in an attack of violence or in response to violence - whenever we tear at the fabric of the life which another man has painfully and clumsily woven for himself and his children, the whole nation is degraded.

"Among free men," said Abraham Lincoln, "there can be no successful appeal from the ballot to the bullet; and those who take such appeal are sure to lose their cause and pay the costs."

Yet we seemingly tolerate a rising level of violence that ignores our common humanity and our claims to civilization alike. We calmly accept newspaper reports of civilian slaughter in far-off lands. We glorify killing on movie and television screens and call it entertainment. We make it easy for men of all shades of sanity to acquire whatever weapons and ammunition they desire.

Too often we honor swagger and bluster and wielders of force; too often we excuse those who are willing to build their own lives on the shattered dreams of others. Some Americans who preach non-violence abroad fail to practice it here at home. Some who accuse others of inciting riots have by their own conduct invited them.

Some look for scapegoats, others look for conspiracies, but this much is clear: violence breeds violence, repression brings retaliation, and only a cleansing of our whole society can remove this sickness from our soul.

For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay. This is the violence that afflicts the poor, that poisons relations between men because their skin has different colors. This is the slow destruction of a child by hunger, and schools without books and homes without heat in the winter.

This is the breaking of a man's spirit by denying him the chance to stand as a father and as a man among other men. And this too afflicts us all.

I have not come here to propose a set of specific remedies nor is there a single set. For a broad and adequate outline we know what must be done. When you teach a man to hate and fear his brother, when you teach that he is a lesser man because of his color or his beliefs or the policies he pursues, when you teach that those who differ from you threaten your freedom or your job or your family, then you also learn to confront others not as fellow citizens but as enemies, to be met not with cooperation but with conquest; to be subjugated and mastered.

We learn, at the last, to look at our brothers as aliens, men with whom we share a city, but not a community; men bound to us in common dwelling, but not in common effort. We learn to share only a common fear, only a common desire to retreat from each other, only a common impulse to meet disagreement with force. For all this, there are no final answers.

Yet we know what we must do. It is to achieve true justice among our fellow citizens. The question is not what programs we should seek to enact. The question is whether we can find in our own midst and in our own hearts that leadership of humane purpose that will recognize the terrible truths of our existence.

We must admit the vanity of our false distinctions among men and learn to find our own advancement in the search for the advancement of others. We must admit in ourselves that our own children's future cannot be built on the misfortunes of others. We must recognize that this short life can neither be ennobled or enriched by hatred or revenge.

Our lives on this planet are too short and the work to be done too great to let this spirit flourish any longer in our land. Of course we cannot vanquish it with a program, nor with a resolution.

But we can perhaps remember, if only for a time, that those who live with us are our brothers, that they share with us the same short moment of life; that they seek, as do we, nothing but the chance to live out their lives in purpose and in happiness, winning what satisfaction and fulfillment they can.

Surely, this bond of common faith, this bond of common goal, can begin to teach us something. Surely, we can learn, at least, to look at those around us as fellow men, and surely we can begin to work a little harder to bind up the wounds among us and to become in our own hearts brothers and countrymen once again.

Hello, Mr.Allen

2007-04-22T14:58:00.000-07:00

I watched my first Woody Allen movie today. I started with "Manhattan", which I now hear is one of his best. I have to say, I really really like it. I mean, it has Diane Keaton in it, so that's always a good place to start with me.

the getting away

2007-04-14T21:45:00.000-07:00

It’s near midnight I believe. As we have no reception out here, (and through the years I have fallen prey to only using my cellphone to tell the time) I’m generally unaware of the hour for a few days. My church’s “getaway” is this weekend and we’re at Camp NaCoMe located near the middle of nowhere. Note: If you’re wondering what NaCoMe means in the respective Native American languate it may be taken from, I regretfully inform you that it is actually just a combination of the three cities that triangulate around the camp: Nashville, Columbia, and Memphis. I know. Dissapointing.)

It takes a lot to get me to things like this nowadays. Namely because I can choose not to, and usually do. When we’re children, we’re generally made to do things that we don’t want to. We may had rather stay up until midnight and eat twinkies, but our parents knew we’d be tired an malnourished…so we didn’t. We don’t have that now, but sometimes I think we need it.

Anyway, the weekend is designed to actually spend time and get to know the people you are in this church community with, talk about what the church is and what it’s doing. There’s a lot of Q & A, and a lot of play time to really just spend time with people. I was a camp couselor for years, but I never really outgrew a general hesitation towards things like this. I feel silly going around and everyone saying their names. As we actually did this this first night here, Cari leaned over and articulated exactly what I was thinking, “this is why I don’t come to stuff like this.” But, I should.

More and more we can live on our own terms and participate or engage when we’d like or is convenient, but generally find a myriad of excuses not to do what we don’t’ want to do. I could have gone to this last year. I was in town. And it’s not a matter of being busy. I’m busy this week. It’s just that I didn’t want to go. There are unknowns (this is a huge one), plus you have to DO things with other people…just generally out of most comfort zones I have.

But, often even if my intentions are askew (which they always prove to be), their continually redeemed. When I go because I think I should or that it’s the “right” thing to do, God trumps my legalism and reveals himself to be who he really is. Kevin said something tonight that, as per usual, articulates it much more directly than I ever could, “We are called to submit ourselves to something greater than what we want at that moment.” Someone earlier in the service had said, “if you feel comfortable, share something that you have to be thankful for” (or something to that extent. Kevin’s response (after clarifying he meant no offense) was that it doesn’t really matter if you feel comfortable. That’s not the goal. If anything, it’s often a hindrance or a sign that I’m not really letting the gospel transform my heart. Without realizing it, I set my course to one chasing after personal satisfaction, independence, stability, happiness, rather than run towards the maker of all these things. I have an idea of what would be good for my life. May God continually dismantle the houses I build for myself and may he, instead, fulfill his promise of lavishing on us more blessings than we con conceive.

the important tax report...

2007-04-05T20:52:00.000-07:00

Jordan's Tax Report:
Taxes blow.

In other news, Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers are crazy good. Mike Campbell. Mmmm.

back to taxes.

(if you drive a car, car;) - I’ll tax the street;
(if you try to sit, sit;) - I’ll tax your seat;
(if you get too cold, cold;) - I’ll tax the heat;
(if you take a walk, walk;) - I'll tax your feet.

i love you, compy

2007-03-27T08:57:00.000-07:00

so, i got a mac book yesterday. well, it arrived yesterday. i have to say, i'm oh so totally excited about it. i'm working hella-faster than i ever thought was possible, but secretly dreamed someday i could. my two thoughts on this afternoon are:

1. do i really need a remote for my computer? i mean, i'm sitting there using it, aren't i?
2. how freakin cool do i feel that i have a remote for my computer??

life on this day

2007-03-16T22:46:00.000-07:00

another too late night of working. Surely there's a break coming up soon. after starting the work day at 6:30, 1am feels a little later than it used to. I actually had the thought tonight, "I'm getting too old for this". I'm not sure if it was the exhaustion or if that's true, but it feels like a little of both on this night. It's been a roller coaster month, week, day. the highs were glorious and lofty and the lows were at sedimentary levels.

One such lofty day was tracking on Steve's new record. We needed to get a little group together for some good ole group bgv's and it just turned out to be the perfect combination of people for some reason. Judd & Maggie, me, Ryan Greenawalt and an alternating wing men/women/persons of Jeremy Casella and Mandy Mann. The stuff they had for us to sing was just great and we really went crazy with it. very theatrical, but in the best of ways. we all just walked away (obviously STILL) talking about how much fun it was and how excited we all were about people making good records again... making the record that is in them, whether it's 3min and 30 seconds with a target market or not. ..and probably not. That's just where the good stuff is, i think. Make the record you're meant to make...whatever it is that's in you, drag it out and work on it. It makes me think of that story Jonatha Brooke once told in an interview about the 4 min outro with that amazing piano solo on "Inconsolable". The powers that be told her it had to go if she ever wanted them to get behind a single. she thought about it, and eventually thought to herself, "like i'm ever going to have an f-ing single." She just remembered who she was and what she was doing and kept the solo. It is incidentally maybe my favorite Jonatha Brooke song and would be less so without that outro. I'm just sayin.

On the way back from picking up our newly screened screens (mmmm), Patty Griffin's song, "Christina" (that she wrote about Christina O'nasis) came on. I went to change it, then I heard my favorite line of the song, which happens to be the first one. That doesn't happen very often, it seems. Anyway... here's a song for the evening...

If you had the real thing how would you tell
Liars can say it all just as well
Every single word you've heard in vain
Baubles of gold, stars in your hair
Reflections that told that they were not there
And the diamonds on your cheeks have turned to flames
And up in the air they would write your name there
But love would fall to pieces in the rain
Who would know better than you
A hundred love letters and none of them true

Christina, Christina

It's a wondrous world of ridiculous things
With nothing so rare as the love that it brings
In the silence of a smile that understands
A piece of the action, pieces of gold
Everyone's paid well and does what they're told
For the simple daughter of a simple man
And up in the air they would write your name there
Their love will fall to pieces in the rain
Who would know better than you
A hundred love letters and none of them true

No, you can't hide from the turning of the tide.

2007-02-24T23:49:00.000-08:00

After a long day of working, then working on the garage a lot, I went to my friend Julia Patton's wedding. Running on fumes, I barely made it on time. I walked in just as they were seating the grandmothers. classy. It was a very traditional, formal and beautiful wedding at Scaritt Bennet. (or as anyone who has had to shoot a wedding in this gorgeous, but very dark chapel calls it...Scary Bennet.) Alice came in just a bit after me, and we held down the back-ish row with the other tardy guests. There was a moment of pause just as the wedding party had finished their procession. The doors closed...and we waited. Just when you begin to wonder, the doors flew open and a bagpiper began sounding the procession. I was so overwhelmed with the moment. He was heralding the bride's arrival...his playing was impossible to ignore; engulfing even. But it wasn't the point. Just then, Julia walked in, looking beautiful and teary.

As one who has shot approximately 47 more weddings than I ever thought I would, I've thought a lot about the matter. But, as with music, it changes when it's your work. After being around only musicians playing or talking about only music for an extended period of time, sometimes talking to someone about growing squash (or something equally as "normal") is refreshing. All this to say, I often think it odd when I'm shooting (or more often assisting) someone's wedding whom I have never met, how I'm regaurding thier wedding day. I may wake up a little late, throw on some compfy clothes that are often just dressy enough to not feel socially inappropriate. Shoot the wedding, be polite, hopefully eat some good food (because by this point you're starving), and call it a night. In the right months, you could be doing this a every weekend, often multiple times in a weekend if business is good. At almost every wedding, at some point I stop and think, "this is one of the most important days in this person's life", and wonder if I shouldn't revere that more.

Tonight I was not with out reverence. After the many many weddings that I've been to/in that Kevin Twit has pastored, I know a great deal of Kevin's wedding sermon. You would think I would have put some of that wisdom to use by now. But as Martin Luther knew before I...I needed to hear it again...because I live as though I've forgotten it.

After the reception, I went to my friend and former bandmate, Jason Harris' going away party. Jason's moving to Bloomington, IN to "see about a girl". Some of my favorite memories in this life thus far have included Jason and I'm going to miss him, but here's hoping for many more of those memories yet to come. I feel like I'm making a toast or something. ;)

Well, I'm getting sleepy. Consider this my Shabbat . (Subnote: Marva Dawn changed the way I think about the Sabbath. I don't always keep it with the dilligence I should, but now I love Sunday, and look forward to it like Christmas. Even more so when I'm so busy. You can feel the purpose of the day in all it's richness. sigh. I can't wait.)

I shall leave you with some pictures Rachel took of The Analogue Trust's first two completed shirt orders. (oh. yeah. LT and I started a print company for screenprinting tshirts and posters for those musician type friends in town. we call it 'The Analogue Trust') Good times. More to come.

Caught between the longing for love and the struggle for the legal tender.

2007-02-16T22:38:00.000-08:00

Well, I've officially entered a new season....having nothing to do with the snow currently falling outside my window. Starting around December, things on the work front began to hit a slow spell. After turning down a 9 to 5 job right before Christmas, I mentally overcompensated and went into crazy mode wanting to connect with projects i believed in (or at least avoid the ones i feel generally led to rally against no matter how tempting their salary and/or insurance looks). Well, I guess I'm making up for lost time now. The last 3 or 4 nights have yielded time for about 4 hours of sleep per night.

At some point in my childhood, I remember a teacher commenting on my always being busy, and telling me that her students that were most busy stayed the most on top of their school work. That somehow when these students knew they had no other way to get everything done than to always stay on task and focused, they actually got their tasks accomplished. On the other hand, students who had a great deal of time on their hands, generally procrastinated because they knew they'd have time to do it later. This often resulted in them procrastinating their way through all their their free time until the project's due date was upon them and they were screwed. you know... classic ant & grasshopper tale. This is the story of my life. I'm the anthopper.

I'm starting to remember the downside of that. Yeah, the ant had food and whatnot, but probably no friends, no patience and a diminished appreciation for the best things in life. At least that's my hunch based on the experiment currently in progress.

After much debate, i finally decided to a take a break last night and watch Grey's Anatomy with Butterfly, Heidi, LT, Dawson & Bob. Butterfly's song "Bitter Song" was featured in the episode and it was so fun to watch with everyone there. I even found some red fabric and made a red carpet leading to the door. It's a great song and I'm glad many peoples heard it....even though they should be able to hear the whole freakin record by now. aaaanyway.

It's 5am and LT and I are just now finishing the new shirts for MPJ. I'm not even sure what I'm typing anymore. But I know this... I love "The Pretender" by Jackson Browne. I could listen to it at all times. It's a song that borders on perfection.

night, kids.

"The Pretender" - j. browne

Im going to rent myself a house
In the shade of the freeway
Im going to pack my lunch in the morning
And go to work each day
And when the evening rolls around
Ill go on home and lay my body down
And when the morning light comes streaming in
Ill get up and do it again
Amen
Say it again
Amen

I want to know what became of the changes
We waited for love to bring
Were they only the fitful dreams
Of some greater awakening
Ive been aware of the time going by
They say in the end its the wink of an eye
And when the morning light comes streaming in
Youll get up and do it again
Amen

Caught between the longing for love
And the struggle for the legal tender
Where the sirens sing and the church bells ring
And the junk man pounds his fender
Where the veterans dream of the fight
Fast asleep at the traffic light
And the children solemnly wait
For the ice cream vendor
Out into the cool of the evening
Strolls the pretender
He knows that all his hopes and dreams
Begin and end there

Ah the laughter of the lovers
As they run through the night
Leaving nothing for the others
But to choose off and fight
And tear at the world with all their might
While the ships bearing their dreams
Sail out of sight

Im going to find myself a girl
Who can show me what laughter means
And well fill in the missing colors
In each others paint-by-number dreams
And then well put out dark glasses on
And well make love until our strength is gone
And when the morning light comes streaming in
Well get up and do it again
Get it up again

Im going to be a happy idiot
And struggle for the legal tender
Where the ads take aim and lay their claim
To the heart and the soul of the spender
And believe in whatever may lie
In those things that money can buy
Thought true love could have been a contender
Are you there?
Say a prayer for the pretender
Who started out so young and strong
Only to surrender

sgt. cold toes.

2007-01-25T21:36:00.000-08:00

sweet moses it's cold. I'm currently bundled up in a very sweet, but very drafty hotel in Decatur, GA. The show tonight at Eddie's Attic was a fun one, as always. Man, I love that place. I really wasn't sure about Scott Miller at first, but now I'm growing to really really like him and his songs. It's just he and his road manager and Al.
Turning in pretty early. Life is crazy with a pregnant woman in tow. In a totally sober, frequently napping sort of crazy way. :)

where the city in october looks like fire...

2007-01-19T10:09:00.000-08:00

Just got back from chattanooga where Sandra played at Rhythm & Brews tonight. It was a smokey room, but a really cool taproom. We're staying at my friend Whit's childhood home. His parents are wonderful and have been so hospitable and kind. Not to mention the huge bonus of seeing the pictures of Whit as a 5 year old modeling child's fashions in the newspaper. Sooooo worth the trip.

a wrinkle in mind.

2007-01-15T08:10:00.000-08:00

I started getting sick last night. I laid down feeling achy and exhausted after a loooong day of running junk up from the basement to the attic all day. After not being able to sleep and starting to feel sicker, I got up and drank the rest of the NyQuil. Somewhere in my drugged waking/sleeping, I conjured up an idea for a new toy. In the dreamstate, I think I had just had them manufactured, but alas, this morning they are only existant in my imagination. I had created little army men... you know... for kids. Only, instead of army men, they were famous figures of non-violence. We placed them carefully in lines, facing each other. Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Mother Theresa stood face to face with and Rosa Parks. Needless to say, nothing much happened. And I enjoyed this for hours. http://www2.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif

I picked up Derek from the airport yesterday, fresh in from speaking and playing at the Veritas Forum. Upon his suggestion, I went searching today for the talks from the event. Apparently not posted yet, I began digging through the archives and found a couple of talks from Madeleine L'engle.

I'm listening now to her writer's workshop on searching for truth through fantasy. She has done (and continues to do) such an amazing job of letting truth spread wide into the vastness it must have to exist. She understands, perhaps, the same idea C.S. Lewis had when he wrote of the gods in "Until We Have Faces", "whatever can be said clearly about them cannont be said truly".

Some of the more resonant quotes thus far:

"Nothing happens in isolation. Everything effects everything else. You can never say, "It's my own business". It's the business of the entire cosmos. The scientists have discovered that nothing can be said objectively, because to look at something is to change it and be changed by it." And so it is. With science and with the difficult task of loving one another.

"When you write, don't think. Write."

And in honor of Martin Luther King day... one last quote from Dr. King.

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

you ought to be with me

2007-01-08T18:57:00.000-08:00

01.06.07.... watched high fidelity
01.07.07.... took up mission to get some bitchin vinyl
.... mission accomplished.
01.08.07.... emailed parental units requesting permission to reclaim thier entire vinyl collection this weekend.
..... listened to the beatles, iron & wine, joni mitchell, blood, sweat & tears, and (currently) al green records.
..... damn. if anyone can make you lovesick, it's al green.

Dancing... Dancing.. YEAH! She's a dancing machine.

2006-12-31T00:48:00.000-08:00

So, my friends David and Natalie are moving to New York. Tonight, a party was thrown to "send them off". It started enjoyably enough. Great food. Great drink (Homeade Sangria). Everyone chatting. I arrived fashionably late at about 8:45pm. Now, back at my own homestead, i see it is now 2:55am. The moral of the evening: Dancing brings the world together. Both Natalie and David have mean dancing streaks in them. So, as the partygoers thinned, the few that stood the test of time were handsomely rewarded with the blessing of the dance party. Around 10 or 11, Nat busted out the dance mix she had prepared on her ipod. It was a mix so totally bitching that I literally took notes on a postcard to download those songs when i got home. As my throbbing feet and calves (yes. i kept the high heels on through the whole dance party.) clearly understand, I've been dancing...and i mean DANCING for about 4 hours. At one point, about 8 or 10 women and usually about 1 guy (this was almost always David or Dawson) were giving their all on that floor. We even went Soul Train style for 3 or 4 songs; coining such dances as "The Blazer", "The Cowboy", a few indescribable moves Butterfly pulled out and "The Scarf". After cutting a rug with the same group for 4 hours, you have a certain unspoken bond. Strangers become friends on the dance floor, folks. It's true. I loved that at the end of the dance marathon, I introduced myself (or was introduced to) at least half of the same people I had been sweating to the oldies with for the entire night.

To hell with introductions. We have dancing shoes.

I'm "into" books.

2006-12-26T18:54:00.000-08:00

I’ve been listening to a book on tape. I’m normally not a fan. I just love reading books and lose a great deal when I listen to them read over an extended period of time. I lose track of where I am, get thinking about other things. I just don’t daydream as much if I’m looking at words on a page. ANYWAY. My mother is in a book club. It mainly consists of English profs at Murray State, Librarians and a few teachers. I tagged along in high school with my mom and would always really look forward to the meetings. They always have a Christmas meeting and usually at our house in Kentucky. I’ve had the great fortune of being home for these meetings two years in a row. On the drive home today, I had planned my listening schedule so that I would finish the book just as I exited off of I-24. I was thoroughly engrossed in the book, (which I just realized I’ve yet to reveal…. It’s called “The Memory Keeper’s Daughter”) and indeed finished just in time before the book club arrived to the house. However, during pre-dinner banter, I realized that I had not, as I previously thought, finshed the book at all. Rather, there were 9 discs instead of the 5 I had once thought. Something for the trip home, I suppose.

I’m actually reading two other books right now as well. I’ve never done this (excluding being forced to read at an exorbant pace in college). But, I’m listening to Barbara Kingsolver’s “The Bean Trees” and reading Wendell Berry’s “Hannah Coulter”. Wow. Three Kentucky authors. Three pieces of fiction. So much for the spice of life.

the clarinet goes dood lee dood lee dood lee dood lee det.

2006-11-30T17:05:00.000-08:00

If anybody's wondering what to get me for Christmas.... here's a start....

Tell me honey, what is it we do?

2006-11-17T10:14:00.000-08:00

Bush is giving a press conference on TV as I type. I can't help but be reminded of Jonatha Brooke's "Christmas wish list" I read today that she did for Blender.com

So, I had to make a call today. A kind of important call...as calls that I make go. So, I prepped. I made sure I had all my notes there, a working pen and notebook, I used my Nettie Pot so I could get the passages open and get the most direct path for oxygen to the brain going. I made sure the phone was charged, pulled up relevant emails and websites to have in front of me and I was ready. I made the call. As with most things, it wasn't that big of a deal and more went into worrying/prepping than the actual conversation. But halfway through the conversation I looked down and thought, "I wonder if this guy realizes that I'm in pajamas with blue moose on them...or what he would think if he did have such information." Ah the habits of the self-employed. As I hung up the phone, the thought occurred to me that through the entire conversation, I was using the business voice. You know, a little too quick to the nervous laugh, overly cheery and above all, the moderately obnoxious over-annunciation. But as soon as I got off the phone, I thought how I wish I spoke like that a bit more to my friends on the phone. I mumble. I know it. As soon as I get off the phone with a few people in particular, I have that "I left the stove on" moment of remembering..."Shit. I forgot not to mumble!". One day. Don't give up hope, friends.

Speaking of being self-employed, I had a shoot with David Phelps and his band today at a rehearsal space here in town called Soundcheck. (I'll post some on the flickr site tomorrow) I got there on time which means I got to hear 3-4 songs as they were running late. (who would have guessed?) But, it was a fun time all around. Everyone was very kind and the actual taking of the pictures went fairly flawlessly, but you never know if it's what they want. Especially when there are many many parties to please. When I first pulled up today, an older gentleman who was pulling out of the space near the door rolled down his window and asked, "What are their names?" I realized then that he had seen me pull in with Levi & Scout in the backseat. We talked about dogs for a minute and he reaches into his glove box and extracts two large bones he explains that he regularly gets from a local BBQ joint and would like to give these two specimens to my pups. It was very sweet, but I then realize I'm walking into Soundcheck with two big ham bones. I shoved them in my purse and kept trucking.
There's something about tours like that coming together where a lot of the crew doesn't know each other that everyone feels the need to tell stories. It's very funny and usually entertaining. One of today's gems was told by a boisterous Brit who explained how his (insert generic relative here) was once in a Christmas pageant playing the Inn keeper. When Mary and Joseph approached the Inn keeper and asked if they might have room for them in the Inn. Silence. No response. Joseph asks again, "I'm Joseph. This is my wife Mary. She's with child and in need of a room. Would you have room for us?" Still, the Inn Keeper did not respond and finally mumbled under his breath, "I can't remember my line." Joseph finally mumbled back, "Just say something!". So, in a loud voice, the Inn Keeper proclaims, "Sure! We've got tons of room! Come on in!" bah dum dum.

Currently Listening to:

Lovers Electric - "Lovers Electric" -

This is my friend Butterfly's sister and brother-in-law's (David & Eden) band. I can't stop listening to their record and listen to the single, "Honey" more than is normal. Check out the totally sweet video here.

2006-11-02T12:03:00.000-08:00

crisp autumn day. leaves are in full turn and it's gorgeous to watch. slept in a bit after the scary movie marathon with bob and peter last night. We watched the beginning of Hostel until Bob asked that we...not. Oh, those squeemish boys. I did forget how vulgar the beginning of that movie is, though. sheesh. grabbed some thai with derek then went to see judd & maggie at 12th and Porter with Andy Davis and Peter Bradley Adams. I really enjoyed J&M's set. Sometimes I forget what people do for a living...especially friends who play music for a living b/c I don't often get to see them at work. But every time I do it's almost always wonderful and complex.

if i keep saving drafts of blogs hoping to finish them, i'll never blog.

thoughts on this day

2006-10-11T01:56:00.000-07:00

I usually buy a book of poetry of some sort when I travel. This trip has yielded six thus far, but four were from goodwill. I'm taking a gimme.

I finally finished "Tell We Have Faces". It was beautiful. I'm still soaking in it. The next day, I began my first attempt at Proust; "A Remembrance of Things Past: Swan's Way" to be specific. On a break, thumbing through my new poetry collection, I read "A Bookmark" by Tom Disch. He writes, "Four years ago, I started reading Proust. Although I'm past the halfway point, I still have seven hundred pages of reduced type left before I reach the end...Four years ago, by God! - and even then how I was looking forward to the day I would be able to forgive, at last, and to forget "Remembrance of Things Past." Hmm. This may be a sign.

I love traveling and long to do it more often. I love being able to schluff obligations and deadlines and... everything. Even if just for the afternoon...just for a week. We need breaks. Even from things we love. Should an independently wealthy investor want to fund my...how you say....life studies. I should keep a house in Nashville and another in Ireland. Or Scotland.... for many reasons. ...and because there's always the anticipation of the change, the chance that what is wrong is the result of where you are.

just like him

2006-10-05T23:27:00.000-07:00

Thursday night before the Indigo Girls show at the Ryman, Derek and I waited out front talking a bit with Mary Gauthier about the Sufjan Stevens show we'd seen just a week or so before. She quickly and adamantly said she couldn't accept... or "get" Sufan's song "John Wayne Gacy, Jr." Suggesting Stevens just went too far. And I totally get that. In a moment of moxie, I said that while I can completely see the irreverence of it, it's the last stanza that makes the story worth the telling. Tonight I remember why. I read a little wikipedia on John Wayne Gacy and might just have nightmares about clowns tonight. They were not previously a phobia, but that may have just changed. Gacy did some heinous things to over 30 boys whom he later buried under his house or threw in the river when he ran out of room there.

Sufjan tells his story this way:

His father was a drinker
And his mother cried in bed
Folding John Wayne's T-shirts
When the swingset hit his head
The neighbors they adored him
For his humor and his conversation
Look underneath the house there
Find the few living things
Rotting fast in their sleep of the dead
Twenty-seven people, even more
They were boys with their cars, summer jobs
Oh my God

Are you one of them?

He dressed up like a clown for them
With his face paint white and red
And on his best behavior
In a dark room on the bed he kissed them all
He'd kill ten thousand people
With a sleight of his hand
Running far, running fast to the dead
He took of all their clothes for them
He put a cloth on their lips
Quiet hands, quiet kiss
On the mouth

And then there's the final stanza.....

And in my best behavior
I am really just like him
Look beneath the floorboards
For the secrets I have hid

I understand that it's hard to believe we are capable of such horrible things, but I think to be able to say "I would never be capable of anything like that", brings with it ideas of labeling certain people(s) "bad". This necessarily means that you must be "good" or have within you enough good to be able to control or overcome the bad. ...In my experience, my ability to control such...um...how you say... sucks.

All I know is, I have a hard, hard heart. I can so easily betray what I know to be true for irrational reactions in anger, fear or hurt. Cold is my warmest thought.

I love so poorly.
....and yet God is a God committed relentlessly loving his rebel children.

love,
jordan

"Love is something more stern and splendid than mere kindness." - c.s. lewis

Crash of 2006

2006-10-05T20:13:00.000-07:00

Computer Crash + Deadline =

to be continued...

Free Derek Webb

2006-09-01T10:57:00.000-07:00

My friend Derek is giving away his record, "Mockingbird" for free. Go to www.freederekwebb.com and you can download his entire record for free. Seriously. Free. It's such a good record too. Tell all your friends. and your friends' friends. Go.. now.

smile like you mean it.

2006-08-22T00:10:00.000-07:00

i've noticed something about myself lately. this can often be an unsettling thing...like realizing your fly's unzipped. you wonder how long it's been like that and why no one has told you before. So, anyway, I've noticed lately this distance i keep with people i care about. I feel like I'm not usually quick to say I care about them or I miss them or whatever the case may be. I remember Judy was always good at that. I even remember at her funeral being overwhelmed with the desire to carry on these characteristics I so loved in her. But, I'm so bad at it. I could say it comes with age, but I think that's probably a cop-out. I think there's a lot of fear tied to it. I've always felt it with things like that. No one wants to be that guy. well, at least part of me is always scared that i am, i think. It's so good for me to be around people who say those things when they mean them. just hearing them gives me courage to want to do the same, and reminds me that life's too short not to.

love deep.
love well.

we'll go down to the water's edge...

2006-08-21T23:59:00.000-07:00

Life has been so full lately. I mean that in so many ways. The most obvious of late being that my hours seem to be filled up with things I have to do or places I have to be at all times. The blogging phenomenon usually happens when i'm forced to stop for a second by an outside force. This is where our story begins. Ok, it's not really a story at all. But, I'm somewhere...um... Cedar Hill, TN? I dunno. I could have just made that up. But, the RUF core group retreat is here this year. I know. I'm not in college. Get off me. A friend and supporter of Kevin and RUF owns this unbelievable houseboat on which we are now staying. It really is like a house.. but nicer than mine. i just can't believe how cool it is. jacuzzi. slide. huge grill, bar, tv, wireless internet, sleeps 15. I'm in one of 4 bedrooms I think. It's just crazy.

Now, I can't say for sure, but I don't forsee myself or anyone I may one day marry being able to afford anything like this...ever. So, I'm trying to enjoy it while I can. :) We took the ski boat out this afternoon. I tubed and got flipped off the back and then I drove the ski boat for a while and Robert skied. It was sooo fun. I miss driving boats and just being on the water in general. I think I could live on the water for a while. I'm just sayin.

well, it's 2am and i can't imagine that the person sleeping a few feet away wants to hear me type any longer than i already have, so i'm off to the land of wink and nod. night, kids.

it's still rock n' roll to me

2006-07-26T16:24:00.000-07:00

We played a really late show last night in town. Our smallest crowd yet, but it was a really fun night none-the-less. i turned off the alarm before i went to bed last night, so i actually slept in a bit. sandra came over and we went to home depot and the expo center. no finds on this trip, but i did get some potting soil and lawn feed. came home and finished editing the last batch of photos and uploaded them. man. what a load off. i started doing some yard work, took a break and made some tasty salmon for lunch. then hit the yard again. i've let it get so unruly that it's really satisfying to get it back under control. i'm not completely done yet, but i've gotten quite a bit done today. talked with the rents for a while. i was trying to walk them through a few computer things and i got really frustrated. I wish I didn't get so frustrated with things like that. abrupt tashian style ending HERE.

she's a dancin' machine.

2006-07-09T00:46:00.000-07:00

just got in from a late night. but, it's been a good day. got up and got some things done then roped derek and sandra into coming to target to get things for the 2,309,858 showers that are happening this month. One of which was today. We went to the shower, but left early b/c none of us had eaten. We went to Mediteranian Cuisine and it was delicious. it hit the spot. came back to the webb casa and walked the dogs. went to pick up butterfly and we went to an art opening at the gallery where dawson works downtown. Some of the stuff was really cool. Most of the photographs make me wonder how they got in there and why I can't be in there too. (that sounded really bratty) After that, we headed to The Alley Cat. We met up with Kiki, Allison, Bob, Michelle and Co. Allison actually brought Trivial Pursuit in her handbag and we ended up playing an entire game on the patio at the bar. It was delightful and of course, we won. :) Natlie and David came out after dinner and LT rolled in late as well. Thus began the dance party. I think Natalie needs her own reality show. or at least video podcast. i'm just sayin.

Derek and Sandra are leaving for L.A. tomorrow, so I get to hang out with Levi this week. This means I'll need to get up early and go get the little ball of preciousness, so I must go to bed. Oh, and as promised... pictures from Dawson's Taco Extravaganza....oh... and hell yes, I made those cakes. :)

trying to make scout join in the fun. she would not have it.

and we lit our hands on fire.

TACO!!!!!

I need a camera to my eye

2006-07-07T07:57:00.000-07:00

Had a nice low-key night last night. I went to Dawson's and we taped some footage for the video podcasts we're going to start doing. After we finished, I roped him into coming with me to Katy Bowser-Hutson's CD Release party. We got there a little late, but I'm glad we made it. Everything sounded great and it was really great to see everyone. Kelly & David Richter were there in town from St.Louis and Derek and Sandra were back from their travels. I was really happy to see everyone. Afterwards, we called LT with intentions of meeting up with that crew, but we both didn't want to go to a smoky bar, so we went to Kroger and bought groceries. Funny alternative.

It was still pretty early, so I called Bob and ended up going over to his and Peter Noble and Amy and Ben's house. We ended up talking for a few hours and then Peter showed me the room he built in the basement where he lives. Peter's family makes these amazing cameras called Noblex that have a rotating slit to expose the 120 film it uses creating these amazing panoramic images.

He had a couple there and a couple more 35mm versions. It was unbelievably fun to get to play with them. I was so excited about it, then he said, "Oh. I have to show you my other camera." Then he pulls out a Hasselblad. I couldn't believe it. Then he told me that he got it from Bob's uncle who inherited two and was going to sell them for $250. I just can't get over it. But, Peter said I can borrow them sometime. I'm already excited. :)

I have to clean again today. We're having another birthday party for Dawson. The first one had to be moved inside b/c it rained. But, this one is going to be an outside fiesta. Butterfly's making a bunch of tacos and I'm baking two cakes (pictures to come). Also, my mom's coming in town to go to the doctor and I have to clean the house to show her friend Pam.

Last night at the Radio Cafe, we talked about blogging Daniel Tashian style. In retrospect, it's hard to stop blogging like that in a way. It's like reading a book. When you read that writer everyday, it effects your syntax and style in writing and thought. Funny.

things i typed today in my blog

2006-07-03T16:54:00.000-07:00

a lot of times i get bogged down with the idea of doing things... to the point that i don't do them, b/c i don't want to half-ass things. but, i really just end up waiting so long that i have to hurry and do it, so that happens anyway. i do this with blogging as well. i had a really bad falling/crashing sort of experience on the Harpeth river on Saturday. It could have been a lot worse, though. Everything is really bruised and I have a lot of ugly scrapes and cuts everywhere, but i still have the use of my limbs and such. which i'm excited about. so, anyway. i'll tell more about that later. but, no kidding... it hurts to type.

i've really loved reading daniel tashian's blog lately. it's unreal. he just lists everything he does or thinks that day. almost to an uncomfortable level. but, i dig reading it. i especially love when he a) lists the price of meal, haircut or item that was purchased that day and b) that he lists the last name of everyone in his blog... even his really good friends that are in almost every blog. somehow this really amuses me...every time.

i might steal that. it would probably just sound pretentious coming from me, though. crappers.

things i've done lately:

-saw superman ($11) at the IMAX on opening night in 3D with Laura Taylor, Charrisa Imaken, Robert Stowers, Robert "Bob" Wilson, Butterfly Boucher and Dawson Wells. (how's that? :) ) It was the first feature film in 3D (well, four scenes of it). It was so fun. there were people dressed up and everything. i felt like i was at an amusement park or something. here are some fun pictures.

It had been a long time since i had been to opry mills. the next day, though butterfly and i went back and i bought black and white chucks. i think i'm going to wear them tonight at the show at mercy lounge. we're playing 8 off 8th. i didn't know who was playing until today, and it's funny how many of them are friends. most of the times i've been, i haven't heard of most of the people playing.

oh. i forgot i'm listing things.

--made action figure dolls with the band. we're going to do some video podcasts. I'm so excited. i love making videos. We bought barbies/ken dolls and cut and colored their hair to make them look like each member of the band. who does this? i mean really. we're weird.

-took my first trip to bobbie's dairy dip with Rachel Briggs and Laura Taylor (stiiiiill funny to list names). it was good. but, i was sad that i was too full to get a dipped cone.. even if it was at bobbie's dairy DIP.

it's getting late. i need to shower before i meet the other kids to load in. i think this blog has been stream of conciousness enough to make daniel tashian AND james joyce proud. talk soon.

the sun shines bright on my old kentucky home

2006-06-14T10:07:00.000-07:00

Greetings from Lexington, KY. I dig this town. I do. I can't say I have any desire to live here, really, but it's really charming and I always enjoy visiting. I'm in town rehearsing with Daniel Bailey for Icthus. I can't imagine that anyone who would read this is going, but we're playing on Thursday and Redflecks are on Sat. If such a scenario should happen. Aaaanyway. I drove up yesterday afternoon and thoroughly enjoyed the drive. I listened to a sermon I missed at CCEN that Kevin preached in Craig's absence. I had downloaded quite a few new podcasts for the trip including Garrison Keilor's "Writer's Almanac" which was excellent. Before I left, a friend gave me Madonna's "immaculate Collection". That got me through quite a ways let me say. If she wasn't Madonna, would anyone let her sing? I'm just sayin. the whole time i thought... "her voice is dreadful... I LOVE THIS SONG!" Sometimes you just can't stop the rock, ya know?

Oh weird. I'm at this coffee shop drinking some really great tea (while everyone else is at work :) ) and Bob Dylan's "Like A Rolling Stone" just came on. They've had some excellent music this morning (David Mead, Bob, etc.) but this selection is weirding me out a small amount b/c it's my ring on my phone. On some level, I'm ashamed that I've made Bob Dylan into a ring on my phone, but on another level I love that man and am happy every time my phone rings. So, it's a toss up, ya know?

For those of you keeping score, you will notice a new addition to the "currently reading" section. That's 3 books down in... i dunno. but I'm excited. I just finished Anne Lamott's "Traveling Mercies". It was lovely. She put words to many things I cannot. I will say that I loved the first half of the book much more, though. I have favorites and I have chosen them. Today I started Wendell Berry's "Citizenship Papers". I've been wanting to read this for a long time. I haven't gotten too far in it. I can tell this one is going to take some headspace. I find myself reading paragraphs multiple times to make sure I understand and remember everything.

Sometimes when you're in towns you don't frequent too often and friends live there you see just as infrequently, it can be stressful. As much as I really want to see all my friends in Lexington, I'm beginning to feel the stress of trying to book everyone in. That's not what we're looking for here. I'm learning to say no... but i have a hell of a learning curve. Well, I'm almost done with my tea. Time for lunch and bookstore rummaging. Love to you all.

an open letter to jonatha brooke

2006-05-25T08:32:00.000-07:00

dearest jonatha,

hey j-train. how have you been? it's been a lamb's age! I knew that you read my blog a lot, so i thought this would be a good way to contact you. anyway, i was watching some videos of you on youtube today. i remembered how good you and your band are at playing music. After I finished watching the videos, i read your latest journal on your website. It sounds like things are going well. That does my heart good after the money issues with the DVD (I hope I made it in most of the footage. If not, I'll be pretty upset, but I can't stay mad at you.) I think the itunes idea is a really great one. I was also thinking about how Goffrey Moore and Gerry Leonard are two of my favorite guitarists and they both have/continue to play for you. That's pretty sweet. So, I was thinking. I know I keep turning you down to go on the road with you guys and be your random instrument kid, but I'm reconsidering. I guess we're both different people than we were then, jonatha. you know what i'm talking about. well, anyway, just give me a call. I'll be ready.

Love and gyro pockets,
jordan

into the arms of florida

2006-05-18T21:30:00.000-07:00

greetings from the sunshine state. things are well here. That said, I got a sunburn today on the backs of my legs and am currently on some meds to help me to sleep (which if you know me is remarkable...me no likey the meds that much) the conference is going well. Better than I anticipated, actually. That's usually the way things go, though, isn't it? We work things up with so much worry and anticipation that the actual moment seems to pale in comparison. I've been going to a lot of great seminars (and one that i must admit was...how you say.. not so good to the point i got some more reading done in my book. i'm so ashamed.) The main speaker is Brian Habig, author of "The Enduring Community" and former RUF Campus Minister at Vandy. He's done a great job, i think. You can download the podcast for free here http://www.ruf.org/messages/messages.htm

I've basically just been compiling a long list of things i'll have to process through when i get home. As soon as I begin to think through one thing, another seminar will provide me with yet another list of things equally as great, profound and confusing. I'm thinking a lot tonight about the life of a cynic; about being cynical in general. I realize to what great extents I give preference to my (or others') cynical nature over the naive nature of someone else. What a great prideful wall from which I hope to fall someday. There's so much to think through about what makes us cynical and, what seems currently daunting, how one even begins to stave off cynicism. It's so hard to appropriate one's knowledge of God. The Christian too often knows what to do, but has neither the courage nor the desire to put our theology into action.

A rather backhanded "truth to action" learned this week has been in relation to music. I'm down here getting to help out with some accordion and mandolin in worship. Recently moving from playing these things every other/every day to now playing when i remember or someone asks me to play has taken its toll. Which brings me to my learned truth moving me to action. Col. 3:23 Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men.
I do this poorly. That's ok. It's been done perfectly on my behalf, but this moves me to want to do what I do well. I don't know if it's really necessary to flesh all that out here, this may be abit open-ended or vauge, but... i'm ok with that.

I've really been loving being on the beach/in the water, catching up on a lot of reading, getting to know new people and listening to all the great teaching, but I'm looking very forward to coming home, seeing my sweet puppy who i miss very much and seeing/talking to friends who i also miss with my heart. I'll be home soon.

but he just took polaroids...

2006-05-07T08:49:00.000-07:00

when the day seems long

2006-05-06T22:48:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy day. Work this morning, then Sarah and I shot a wedding, and finally a group of us played trivial pursuit and went out for shakes at sonic. fun times. I'm surprisingly not tired, though. I think I might actually read a bit before I go to bed. I'm in a weird place in "Jayber Crowe" (yes, i'm still finishing it) where I know I will finish it while I'm out of town, so I have to take a second book to start. I miss traveling a lot. It's one of my favorite times to read. Actually, I've REALLY been missing traveling lately. I'm really coveting Whit's life at the moment. (Whit is currently playing guitar, touring with Plumb and is maybe one of two people who read this. Hey Whit! ;) ) It's weird because I've had days lately of feeling really satisfied and excited about things that are happening or could be happening. Maybe that's it... the looking forward. They haven't happened yet, but they could...and that's what gets me every time. I remain in a posture lately that is at best anticipatory. I like what I'm doing, I just.... well, i just want to be on the road playing music, really...music I believe in with people I love. That sounds like a tall order. I miss playing in a band and creating something greater than yourself, about getting behind something you believe in...there's something indescribable about it. so, i'll stop trying to do so now. I think that's a big part of it for me. There are things I really love and believe in that I really want to happen...or succeed...or whatever you call it. And if I can help that happen in any way, I get crazy excited. I have a feeling none of this will make much sense to anyone else, but, so it goes. The whole thing seems silly if I step back and think about it. I should be grateful for what I have been given, which is much. And yet... the longing remains.

I'm heading out of town for a while next week. I leave for Dallas, Texas on the 11th for Shea and Catherine's wedding, then arrive back in Nashville for a few hours before leaving for Florida for RUF Summer Conference. Aaaanyway. The trips will be fun, I'm sure, but it's making these last few days I have in town crazy. My looking forward to the trip does includes getting to spend some quality time and to better know some RUF friends, but I must confess many of the things I'm looking forward to involve my leper-like social skills. Environments like that often create in me a desire to spend a great deal of time alone. Not so much out of annoyance of others or anything, I just like it. I'm sure there's more to it than that, though. But, I trust that the very struggles that keep me from intimacy are the very best places for intimacy to happen. I trust in all my unrest and longing that God is committed to my good, though I am not. I have traded one idol for another. I have deemed solitude worthy because I enjoy it sometimes, not because I long to process through things I should or meditate on truths to bring me back to sanity. I have filled days with company and evaded real community. Marva Dawn says "If we find out what true community costs, we often don't want to pay it." Basil Pennington said, “The rigorous demands of true friendship…the gift of one’s self, one’s time, one’s preferences (that's so great and telling), the nakedness and honesty, are beyond the price most are willing to pay. But those who have not experienced it, don’t know what is purchased by such a price. Anyone who has been graced with true friendship, though, knows how it is worth it." But do we have that kind of true friendship? Gosh, I'm helplessly thankful that anything I encounter or invent that keeps me from being who I was made to be... that keeps me from "getting it right" has been conquered. I must continue to tell myself that even in my unbelief. Oh, that we might find brothers and sisters that would be committed to our good than our favor. Oh that we might be made into those same people.

good night, friends.
i love you all.

p.s. go listen to sandra's "Rock of Ages (When The Day Seems Long)"...it came on during the beginning of this blog and five plays later, it's still on repeat. I don't think I'll ever not want to hear that song.
http://www.igracemusic.com/sandrahymns/index.htm

The Tailenders and other adventures from the Nashville Film Festival

2006-04-27T14:44:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems like a long time has passed since this weekend, but I'll try to recount the events with as much accuracy as possible. This past weekend was the Nashville Film Festival. A friend of mine had a laminate pass, but was going to be gone all weekend. He graciously gave me his (thanks HK). It was as if someone had given me a free pass to six flags (and Lord knows I love me some amusement parks). I went to see so many movies. I would have seen more had my schedule permitted, but i still saw a glorious bounty of film. Including:

Fourteen - a film short with no dialogue about a fourteen year old's Mormon wedding day to a 58 year old man.

For the Love of Dolly -A journey into the hearts and homes of Dolly Parton's most devoted fans, held together by the shared love for their icon and a need to be close to her.... it was unbelievable.

In a Nutshell: A Portrait of Elizabeth Tashjian -A well-salted look at eccentric nut collector and former curator of the Nut Museum and the town's efforts to close it.

Danielson: A Family Movie - A music-filled look at Daniel Smith, eccentric Christian musician, as he leads his four siblings to indie-rock stardom, launching the career of Sufjan Stevens along the way.

Party for the People - short film creatively explored the links between communism and rock n' roll.

Chances: The Women of Magdalene - A truly inspirational story about a group of women who know Dickerson Pike all too well; and maverick Becca Stevens, who creates a program to help them recover. [*featuring a cameo by our own Emily DeLoach singing in the Kim Carnes all-star choir brigade!!]

Aurora Borealis - Joshua Jackson, Juliette Lewis, Donald Sutherland and Louise Fletcher star in this tender comedy-drama about bright, charming yet irresponsible Duncan (Jackson) whose need to care for his ailing grandfather (Sutherland) leads him to a brighter future-a future perhaps greatly aided by falling in love with his grandfather's nurse

Tailenders - my absolute favorite movie of the festival. A fascinating look at the 67-year history of Gospel Recordings, a company devoted to reaching out to the last few societies in the world as yet untapped by Christian missionaries. It was remarkable. I'm still thinking through it. If I had it in my possession, I would be watching it over and over again. I hope to be doing this as soon as it's in my little paws. There was so many great things about sound and the disembodied voice and how when these people in the Solomon Islands are played this voice booming through a box they've never seen before, the voice has so much more authority than any one person ever could. But, they're not just buying the story when the sign on to what the missionaries bring, they're signing on to the technology they bring as well as the wealth they see others gaining...aaah... i could go on forever. Adele Horne, the filmmaker, sat in front of me during the screening. This was a little unnerving as I ebbed and flowed in and out of being really conscious of my audible reactions to things. As all of the filmmakers who were at the festival did, Adele stuck around for Q&A after the showing. I actually asked a few questions. Afterwards, she came back up to get her stuff (which was sitting beside my seat) and we got to chat a little. Throughout the film festival I think I ran into her and what some might called "mildly stalked" her. Not really, but I did love talking to her and think she has created a phenomenal film. She said she's working on a new one about peripheral vision. I can't wait. You all must see this film. It's airing on PBS on July 25th www.pbs.org/pov/tailenders/
Read more about this film and the filmmaker here... http://www.adelehorne.net/Page02.htm

this is no place for a house.

2006-04-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

So, I after rehearsal and a quick waffle house stop, LT and I watched "Proof". I thought it was excellent. Thumbs up. But that's a different story. So, I begin driving home at circa 2:15am, after just watching a movie involving questioning one's grip on reality. As I fly down Woodmont, I suddenly crest the hill and see a two story home spanning both lanes of the road. For a moment, I cannot decide if I'm crazy crazy or just crazy. I then see the wheels beneath and the truck behind and men with flashlights. One man is sitting on the roof, lifting the stoplights so that the roof can pass under them. After waiting a considerable amount of time, i decide to try and find my way around. This is probably the 5th time this has happened to me. Is this really that common? It's just weird and can freak the crap out of you at 2:30 in the morning. I'm just sayin.

just a quick break

2006-04-12T20:07:00.000-07:00

It's only 10pm and i'm about to fall asleep. i'm such a wuss. We worked on Dawson's art all day today. seriously. 10am - 6pm. but, it's pretty much done and it was a really fun day. just a bit of editing and a quick proofread and it's off.

Can I just say how much I love noiseland? It's really rare that you find a cd manufacturing company that you love. I think I've found one. Now that I've convinced Dawson to use them, this will be 3 records I've worked with them on and I still love them. It just baffles the mind. If any of you are in the market for such a service, check them out. they're a delight. www.noiseland.com

So, Rachel and I are working on starting a print company. One that will design and print tshirts and posters.... really bitchin ones. "wires and fires" Next week we decide on a logo. Fun times. Know anyone who needs the aforementioned products? holla.

I have a lot of work ahead of me tonight. I'm heading home for Easter on Friday. It makes this week a bit more stressful, but it will be good to see the fam and sit on the deck. sigh. i'm already excited. I just love to be outside. If I can spend as much time outside as possible, that would be greeeat. I wish I could see the display on my computer better in my backyard. maybe i should get those big shield things. hmmm.

danny masterson is an attractive, attractive man. i'm not one for the celebrity crush, but he's playing on celebrity poker right now and.... i'm just sayin. we should date.

alright. i've seriously got to get back to work. until next time, loves...

way over yonder in a minor key

2006-04-06T09:53:00.000-07:00

Gosh, I don't want to work today. I've been so busy lately, I start to feel like I should just get in the car and take a vacation... or at least have a movie marathon with friends who have equally unstructured jobs. I'll take either at this point. A vacation does sound totally sweet, though. I also feel like i have no room to complain. I love my job(s). I do. very much. sooo, maybe i should just suck it up and remember that. done and done.

I always wonder what people listen to on their ipods. there's a myriad of ages and people types at the Y all donning earphones. What gets them through that 30min stairclimb? who knows. Questions for heaven. I've thought about an invention that shows what you're listening to in a thought bubble sort of thing like the thing over the SIMS heads. You could turn it off and on, of course. Until I get a prototype running, we'll just have to wonder.

I realized lately that I have very specific things I listen to in specific situations. By this I mean, if I'm going to clean or mow the lawn, I have a playlist that usually does right by me. This playlist always includes Bonnie Raitt's "Nick of Time".
When my dad would let me mow the lawn, I would take my walkman cassette player and headphones and listen to that record over and over. When I finally got the CD, I would always hear a break where the tape should be flipped. It so fun to know a record so well that you know the keys of all the songs based on the end of the song before it. fun/really nerdy.

For cooking, it has to be old soul stuff, motown, or blues. Ray Charles. mmmm.
Outside on a warm night with friends... it's crazy old jazz records.
Working out.... i mix this one up. radiohead's "ideoteque" is great. but, sometimes i really dig running to Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. There's something about it when "Radio Cure" comes on. Everything around you is moving so quickly, but it makes things feel like a movie somehow... like you're not there. You know that scene in Garden State in the very beginning when he's on the plane in slow motion and everyone's freaking out and he's just staring? Yeah. Like that.

I've been playing guitar lately for this kid... www.myspace.com/dawsonwells I dig his stuff. It's so so fun. It makes me remember how much I love playing...especially in a band with friends. It's made me really long to do it more. sigh.
"it'll all work out"

If you wanna go somewhere... if you wanna be somebody...

2006-03-23T18:03:00.000-08:00

I think i need a night in. I've been running around like crazy all day. but at 8pm, you have to wonder if a nap is really in the cards. "Sister Act II : Back in the Habit" just came on. What a blessing. How is it that I've seen both "Sister Act" and it's equally stunning sequal so many times? seriously. how did that happen? But then again, how could you hate on Lauryn Hill? You can't.

alright

2006-03-21T21:28:00.000-08:00

if you'd like to participate....

http://kevan.org/johari?name=jordanbrookehamlin

there is no sunken treasure.

2006-03-18T23:08:00.000-08:00

sweet fancy moses the wilco show was good. seems too much to re-tell. but here's the setlist and a few pics (not of my taking). just close your eyes and envision awesome. ... it was better than that.

1. Sunken Treasure
2. Remember The Mountain Bed
3. Airline To Heaven
4. At My Window Sad And Lonely
5. Forget The Flowers
6. When The Roses Bloom Again
7. California Stars
8. Muzzle Of Bees
9. Hell Is Chrome
10. Spiders (Kidsmoke)
11. Jesus, Etc.
12. Walken
13. Handshake Drugs
14. I Am Trying To Break Your Heart
15. A Shot In The Arm
16. At Least That's What You Said
17. The Late Greats

Encore 1:
18. Hummingbird
19. new song (Maybe The Sun Will Shine Today)
20. Theologians
21. I'm The Man Who Loves You
22. Kingpin

Encore 2:
23. Passenger Side
24. War On War

Encore 3:
25. Acuff-Rose (Jeff solo acoustic unplugged)

So, for the last encore, Tweedy came out and said something like, "I hate to say goodbye, so I'll leave you with this song. I'm going to play it the way it was supposed to be played in this room". He then unplugs his guitar and walks away from the mic to the front of the stage. The crowd who was moments ago dancing and jumping (unlike I've ever seen in that room) was now completely silent and straining to see/hear what was happening. you could hear a pin drop, but instead you heard jeff f-ing tweedy sing and play and...melt my heart of stone. It was good night. Fun abounded.

excuse me, but your Johari window is open.

2006-03-17T14:19:00.000-08:00

Today’s one of those days where I just think, “gosh. I love my job(s).” I had two shoots back to back at the studio, both of which were for people I had never met but who were really really great through the whole process. I had quite a bit of down time between things where I read some more on Jayber Crowe, listened to good music and played with two of my favorite puppies. It’s fun to have friends assist me. On work like I did today, I must admit, it’s mainly for the company (and to prevent as much awkwardness as possible with new people.)

Despite popular belief, I’m crazy shy around new people. I think in formidable years, I was in structured environments like the academy and at the camp I worked at, where you forced to suck it up. If you’re on staff or a counselor, especially, there’s not really an option to be shy around 15 new kids every week. You basically had an afternoon to make everyone feel comfortable and a week to love them. It was a real challenge for me, though I can’t remember every talking to anyone about it then. But, I’m really thankful for those years. I still feel that tension, though. (Introvert trying to be an extrovert enough where eventually you’re both) that was confusing enough.

I’ve always been fascinated by Johari windows. Or similar concepts/tools. - The idea that there are things about a person that fall into the following four “quadrants”:

a) There are characteristics or behaviors that are known only to the self, but that people may never see or understand,
b) There are things about the person that both the self and others know.
c) There are characteristics that the person possesses that they are unaware of, but are known to others
d) There are behaviors or motives, which were not recognized by anyone participating. This may be because they do not apply, or because there is collective ignorance of the existence of that trait.

It’s just fascinating to think about. My friend Jason created one. It’s hard to do an online version, and you have to trust that those participating will be honest. Who knows, maybe I’ll get brave and post the link to mine. A good day to all.

heads or....

2006-03-15T12:21:00.000-08:00

tails are weird. have you ever felt one? they're really weird feeling. i can't say that i want one... or will want one.. ever. I've always wanted paws, though. not just any paws, but lion paws. that would be sweet.

C.C. Bloom and spring. These are a few of my favorite things.

2006-03-14T10:15:00.000-08:00

I feel bombarded with things lately that i'm supposed to use to make people think i'm cool. In a way, i suppose, this has a lot to do with the intimacy/technology relationship (see the blog about blogging). Things like LastFM which tracks your plays in itunes (if you choose this platform) and builds a detailed profile of each user's musical taste, showing their favorite artists and songs on a customizable profile webpage. It shows your most played artists, most played songs by week and overall. I can't say that mine gets many hits as there are two people who know about it, but i get this feeling every time I go to someone else's... or my own. I get the sinking feeling that the user's awareness or self-consciousness of this public display often outweighs that of others' interest. I mean, it's cool. it's really cool. i like going to people's. i like going to mine. but, i know multiple friends who manipulate their listenings so they'll... well, so they'll look cooler. The same principle applies for me with profile songs on myspace. i just can't do it. b/c i know i would be thinking about who thinks the song is lame... or something to that effect. And now away (and "available" if you have a mac) messages on instant messenger hold the same power. "Working at Rolling Stone with Joey Lawrence" "recording yanni at Peter Gabriel's 'Real World' studio". I'm just sayin. there's a lot to live up to there. But, don't start getting all paranoid about your away messages, friends. Please.

We are inherently masters at this craft of 'cool' (or at least we long to be). In saying all of the above, know that the "understood you" of the thought is that we (myself especially) can do this with anything. Houses, colloquialisms, sunglasses, DVD collections... Everything. I feel confident that there are many many people who can be good stewards of this technology, I'm just probably not one of them.

In other news, AMC has been a channel after my own heart today. Two of my favorite movies are "Beaches" and "Big". (A funny addition after that last little bit about being cool.) apparently this is 80s week at AMC and they're showing Beaches today and Big on Sunday. right on, amc. right on. you know, i've never thought about it until just now, but it's kinda weird that they call it "Beaches". I mean, it starts on a beach and ends on a beach, but i'm just sayin. There's a lot of in between time where a lot of things were said that might inspire a title. i don't know. i'm not sayin. i'm just sayin.

The weather has been so amazing lately. It completely changes my outlook. As a result, I cleaned the house, bought a ton of fresh produce and went on a long walk with friends and pups.... aaaand the moon was crazy awesome. Crazy Horse. Harvest Moon. gosh i love neil young.

scout.

2006-03-01T09:13:00.000-08:00

i have a dog. scout. she's a national treasure.

the blog about blogging

2006-02-27T10:08:00.000-08:00

so, i never really know what to think about the concept of blogging. thanks to the inquisitive mind of some friends, it's on my mind again lately. I've sat down to decide where i think things fall on the topic for me a number of times now and still, I don't have much to show. I love letters. This alone makes me a prime canidate to hate blogging. I love sending and receiving letters and I love reading collections of letters with my heart. (Emily Dickinson "Selected Letters" is a fav) I don't want this tradition to be lost and in advance I refuse to ever read a book of emails. ever. I almost never send a package without sending a letter with it, but other than that, i'm not doing much to keep this alive. i need to get on that. For me, blogging is an interesting phenomenon too because i don't edit them and i almost never re-read them before i post. this is dangerous, but i find if i do, i start thinking too much about it. Most writing that is presented in an accessible, public way seeks a specific purpose and as a result is endlessly edited. Not that this is a bad thing, just a fact. Even in the most benign scenario, this process subtly distorts journalism, poetry, or whatever the medium is. You find yourself almost unconsciously writing to please a handful of people. It would be naive to say that I could write completely unaffected and unconcerned by and for whoever may happen to read this. But my intention is to try my best to avoid such.

It's really interesting to read friends' blogs. They are always thoroughly imbued with the temper of their writer. Some blogs read just as the author speaks. Some blogs are considerably more serious or somber than the author ever seems in person, and some are endlessly positive despite the author's general disposition in person. Some blogs fill in details of stories you have heard only the frame-work for. There's something to blogging that offers you a skape-goat. It says, "if you get bored out of your mind, you can just stop reading" where conversation frowns on leaving mid-sentence. This can be dangerous and threatens to work against real friendship and deep community.

Now if you know me well, or even at all, you probably know I love technology. You probably also know I love being outside ... saaay... in the woods. I love both, but need to be more aware and honest about the role of technology in my life and culture. I do think technology leads to an excessive need to be constantly stimulated. This is something I've thought about in raising children. I grew up in a rural area where i didn't have any friends who lived nearby. This rarely bothered me not because I had anything figured out, but b/c i didn't know anything else, thus when I saw my friends it was always a sweet time. We have DVD players on in the headrests during the 10 min drive home from school. It boggles the mind. Now, Don't think I don't think this is simultaneously really super cool, b/c i do... it just necessitates a wisdom in using these things wisely. I'm scared of a generation who with just a moment of silence says they're bored. Humo Kais said "They aren't bored enough yet. If they get bored enough, they'll imagine something to do." buuuut seriously folks.

Marva Dawn champions, "If you have technology, and it keeps escalating, you will have a corresponding decrease in intimacy." You want intimacy, but you know technology, so you reverse the poles and you technologize your intimacy and intimize your technology. So, that's why we have to advertise cars with a cozy scene of a family going on a picnic, phone commercials that show family and friends talking with warm backgrounds trying to convince us that it's just like being there. But we know it is not. Oh how we know.

I'm still thinking this through, so we're going sans-concluding paragraph on this day. sorry, kids.

Forgive us for our attempts to restore balance in our lives.
Fill us with an eagerness to pour out ourselves b/c you have poured out yourself first.

Don't go chasin' waterfalls

2006-02-22T21:05:00.000-08:00

i know it's been a few days since this happened, but i went to fall creek falls over the weekend and meant to post about it. i did not. i'm sorry. however, his mercies are new in the morning.

It snowed quite a bit (for TN) and I even took off on, what turned out to be, a 6 mile hike to the falls. I went by myself and it was so great. I took off kind of late but kept saying to myself "well, i've come this far..." so, i ended up walking the last 1 1/2 miles in the dark on an ice/snow covered path. it was so quiet the whole way. for some reason, the last stretch i decided to pull out the ole ipod and listen to death cab's "transatlaticism". it turned out to be a good decision. those last tracks are just killer. i'm working on a little collage of the falls, but here's a normal one. :)

In other really sweet news, Charissa got engaged the friday we arrived at the falls. sooooooo awesome. :) congrats, kids.

ah the dream machine makes it hard to see.

2006-02-14T18:48:00.000-08:00

i feel like i could post a great deal about what i saw and heard last night, but tonight i just don't think i can do it. i saw daniel lanois play at the belcourt last night and it was amazing. best asserted, i believe, by sandra when she described it as "lessons on "how to play live music"". i posted some pictures on my flickr site of danny and the boys and of course "emmy" (who i still maintain should be called "lou"). www.flickr.com/photos/jordanbrooke/sets

happy valentine's day.

if you can't be with the one you hug, honey, hug the one your with.

i really don't know life at all.

2006-02-11T16:07:00.000-08:00

praise Him for party shuffle. the party shuffle on my itunes today has brought joni mitchell back into my ears. (though she never left my heart. :) ) if you don't have blue, go and get it. it's crazy that i remember a time when i heard joni mitchell and thought she sounded weird and just didn't get it. now i do. forgive me, joni. i didn't know anything at all. it's really amazing to listen to the record "Both Sides Now" after hearing records like "Blue". It gives the song 'both sides now' a whole new hue. It always makes me realize what side of that song i'm on, and think of the day when i will be old and it will come on and i will remember this time.

sometimes it feels like you're watching things in slow motion. relationships changing, the people around you (and you yourself) becoming different people. for this moment, i recommend the latter of the "both sides now" versions.

"now old friends are acting strange. they shake their head, they say i've changed.
well, something's lost, but something's gained in living every day."

these things that circle round today

2006-02-08T01:04:00.000-08:00

Thoughts on this day....

Working out at the Y today, I was wondering a thought I frequent.... with all of these people working out on stair machines and rowing thingys and treadmills, can't we power the rest of the building? can't we run the lights of this building using the energy we're creating here? I don't know if it's possible, but it seems logical.

I've always thought a lot about working on records or art or.... anything, really... that you don't think is good, or you don't believe in. (pay no attention to the punctuation or syntax in the previous sentence) I thought for years that if I thought a record sucked, i shouldn't work on it and perpetuate bad art. You give your name to something and say it's worth all that goes with that, right? There are more than a few things in life that when the "rubber met the road" so to speak, I found myself unsure of what I once was sure of. This is one. I'm currently in the muck of this. Am I giving in? Am I using my empty bank account as an unjustified excuse? Do I not trust I'll be provided for? I can answer that last one, but it still needs to be asked.

just know you're doomed from the start if you audition to be in a band for a girl described as a "one woman band".
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5187870

i deleted 1,386 emails this weekend. i love plane rides.

may i never forget, (or more realistically be constantly reminded each time i forget) of my context and purpose in this world. i live in a town where i pay to go to building and run in place. there are people who have to walk miles to get unclean water to keep them alive.

there are people like Fred Phelps http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5192571
i hope i can realize that and be moved to act, not merely moved to despair.
there are people like Coretta Scott King and Judy Whitten.
i hope i can realize that and be moved to increase the good, not merely moved to despair that i am not .

oh condi, condi

2006-01-21T22:51:00.000-08:00

who knew that the label on the meds about not mixing with booze was fo serious? i thought that was a hoax like in 2000 when everyone bought all that water and batteries and stuff.

buddytown party.
jason and rufus' bday party.

i may be getting sick, but that can't hold me back on this night.

i like wine.

hip hip

2006-01-13T23:59:00.000-08:00

It's snowing!

It's a hell of a life, but it's somebody's life.

2006-01-12T09:26:00.000-08:00

Last night by a REALLY random series of events, I got to go to the Ryman show. Patty Griffin, Emmylou Harris and Paula Cole. oh and Mindy Smith was there too. jokes. kinda. Anyway, it was a good time. Highlights: Patty sang a lot of amazing new stuff. I'm really looking forward to the next record. I hear they're working on one as I type. Emmylou was great and took great advantage to using all the voices she had on the stage with her and sang a lot of really great songs. Imagine that. They did a sort of "in the round (though it never is actually round)" setup. Paula was really sweet and did a great job. There were a few moments when she wasn't really singing out that fumbled, but you felt like you were rooting for her to come on through.... and she did. One of my favorite moments of the evening was what I fear will become a "you had to be there" moment. Which is sad, but who knows... Paula played "Feelin' Love" and introduced it by saying, "so, had just gotten married and was very much in love and wrote this...um... well, nasty little sex song. For those of you who who saw "City of Angels", it's the song playing as he's watching her take a bath (before his "fall"). I've always dug the song and was really excited to hear it live. She gave such a great performance with much "hootin' and hollerin'" (as they say) from the crowd... myself included. After the song ended, there was a long pause and Patty (who was next in the round) finally said, "well, paula, i'm not really sure where to go after that.... I mean, I know where I wanna go... but I don't guess i can right now." (insert copious amounts of laughter) Patty: "Anyway, back to the dogs.... well, i guess that was kinda about some doggy things...." (roaring laughter).... "no no. ok. back to the dogs and the cats... well, i guess it was about cats too." I mean, Patty Griffin. unreal. I was laughing with maybe a tear or two emmerging and look over and the guy next to me has not cracked a smile the entire time. awkward! Hm. other highlights...

-The amusing introduction of everyone's "wing men". Emmylou introduced "two of her dearest friends" singing/playing (an unamed acoustic guitar running through a horrendously 80s chorus pedal...what?). Then Mindy introduced her "best friend in the world who I've known and played with for x years" Lex Price. Next, Paula introduced her REALLY REALLY "best friend and musical soulmate who i met at Berklee" to play drums (his name escapes me, but was really great). Then Patty "brought out" Doug Lancio, who had already snuck on stage and was seated behind her. It was a really funny round of "No. MY best friend in the world is playing with me and we've known each other longer."

The writing of this blog has been interrupted now 4 times. So, i'm taking my cue. peace. love. and moses.

the end of things

2006-01-10T00:08:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine is dying and there’s nothing I can do. It’s not as if there’s a disaster or an organized cause that I could get behind. You know, like in those shows where they pull support from hundreds of volunteers and a few novelty celebrities and take someone’s dreadful house or wardrobe or... (I guess now…face) and transform them. I see the need. I think “ok. Here’s the problem. Let’s all get behind this and knock it out.” But, as much as something in all of us longs to be a part of God’s making right of all things, my friend will die. I will watch her and talk to her and listen to her every word. Then the words will stop and I will know her in a different way. Learning to love differently is hard.

My friend has always had this wise peace about her. She has known me all of my life (she was there the day I was born) and I remember her as the person I always wanted to be. There’s a specific demeanor… or outlook… or whatever you want to call it, that certain people possess that lead me to believe they understand something I don’t. It’s as if they know everything we cherish will pass out of our lives, and that we, too, shall pass away. And when they come to know this truth as a lived experience, it’s as if they also know a deep love and kindness for everyone else who must take the same road. This seems to be prevalent in friends and family I’ve had with terminal illnesses or a terribly hard road for whatever reason. It’s funny that what joins us to the human race is often our pain and suffering. When we no longer shield ourselves from the vulnerability of our condition, when we feel the basic fragility of our existence, then we feel our essential identity with all living things. Then compassion (literally, “to suffer with”) arises naturally for ourselves and for all others. It seems if this is true, we could figure out some formula to remedy the lack of desire to “suffer with” each other in the world. But, as for this, I fear the worst. But still, there’s something about the “diving in” to that deluge so that you might surface - more closely resembling who you were meant to be. This is the downward, rather than the upward, I suppose, of spiritual paths. You go down into a sorrow or suffering. Not indulgently, not milking your pain to consolidate yet another identity, but with a gesture of moment-by-moment openness to the reality of your condition – the condition of all of us. The “tender gravity of kindness” that emerges in this descent gives rise to a love that cannot die. For such a love is given freely and can never be taken away. No power of hell. No scheme of man. There will come a time when we do not need to commit conscious acts of loving kindness because we will recognize that everything we do is cut from that cloth.

But as for now, I remember (or more accurately, am reminded) and forget. I remember then forget. Then I remember. then forget. My friend is going home. Hallelujah. Someday I’ll say that and mean it more than I ever could on this side of things. But for now, with all that I can muster…hallelujah.

KINDNESS
By Naomi Shihab Nye

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
What you counted and carefully saved,
All this must go so you know
How desolate the landscape can be
Between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
Thinking the bus will never stop,
The passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window for forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness…

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
You must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
Catches the thread of all sorrows
And you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes any sense anymore,
Only kindness that ties your shoes
And sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,
Only kindness that raises its head
From the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
And then goes with you everywhere like a shadow or a friend.