Caught between the longing for love and the struggle for the legal tender.

Well, I've officially entered a new season....having nothing to do with the snow currently falling outside my window. Starting around December, things on the work front began to hit a slow spell. After turning down a 9 to 5 job right before Christmas, I mentally overcompensated and went into crazy mode wanting to connect with projects i believed in (or at least avoid the ones i feel generally led to rally against no matter how tempting their salary and/or insurance looks). Well, I guess I'm making up for lost time now. The last 3 or 4 nights have yielded time for about 4 hours of sleep per night.

At some point in my childhood, I remember a teacher commenting on my always being busy, and telling me that her students that were most busy stayed the most on top of their school work. That somehow when these students knew they had no other way to get everything done than to always stay on task and focused, they actually got their tasks accomplished. On the other hand, students who had a great deal of time on their hands, generally procrastinated because they knew they'd have time to do it later. This often resulted in them procrastinating their way through all their their free time until the project's due date was upon them and they were screwed. you know... classic ant & grasshopper tale. This is the story of my life. I'm the anthopper.

I'm starting to remember the downside of that. Yeah, the ant had food and whatnot, but probably no friends, no patience and a diminished appreciation for the best things in life. At least that's my hunch based on the experiment currently in progress.

After much debate, i finally decided to a take a break last night and watch Grey's Anatomy with Butterfly, Heidi, LT, Dawson & Bob. Butterfly's song "Bitter Song" was featured in the episode and it was so fun to watch with everyone there. I even found some red fabric and made a red carpet leading to the door. It's a great song and I'm glad many peoples heard it....even though they should be able to hear the whole freakin record by now. aaaanyway.

It's 5am and LT and I are just now finishing the new shirts for MPJ. I'm not even sure what I'm typing anymore. But I know this... I love "The Pretender" by Jackson Browne. I could listen to it at all times. It's a song that borders on perfection.

night, kids.


"The Pretender" - j. browne

Im going to rent myself a house
In the shade of the freeway
Im going to pack my lunch in the morning
And go to work each day
And when the evening rolls around
Ill go on home and lay my body down
And when the morning light comes streaming in
Ill get up and do it again
Amen
Say it again
Amen

I want to know what became of the changes
We waited for love to bring
Were they only the fitful dreams
Of some greater awakening
Ive been aware of the time going by
They say in the end its the wink of an eye
And when the morning light comes streaming in
Youll get up and do it again
Amen

Caught between the longing for love
And the struggle for the legal tender
Where the sirens sing and the church bells ring
And the junk man pounds his fender
Where the veterans dream of the fight
Fast asleep at the traffic light
And the children solemnly wait
For the ice cream vendor
Out into the cool of the evening
Strolls the pretender
He knows that all his hopes and dreams
Begin and end there

Ah the laughter of the lovers
As they run through the night
Leaving nothing for the others
But to choose off and fight
And tear at the world with all their might
While the ships bearing their dreams
Sail out of sight

Im going to find myself a girl
Who can show me what laughter means
And well fill in the missing colors
In each others paint-by-number dreams
And then well put out dark glasses on
And well make love until our strength is gone
And when the morning light comes streaming in
Well get up and do it again
Get it up again

Im going to be a happy idiot
And struggle for the legal tender
Where the ads take aim and lay their claim
To the heart and the soul of the spender
And believe in whatever may lie
In those things that money can buy
Thought true love could have been a contender
Are you there?
Say a prayer for the pretender
Who started out so young and strong
Only to surrender